Totally true magazines (Good News Week 3/3/08: Dishing the Dirt)

Lleyton and Rove complained that the magazine just make things up. And then, according to the Womans’ Weekly, they went off and had a drug-crazed sexy nightclub romp with the Olsen Twins – and gained 10 kilos!

Rove McManus and Lleyton Hewitt have accused Women’s Day of making up stories about them. Apparently they never had a love tryst, or if they did it was an entirely different exotic location.

I’ve always thought that fiction section was suspicious.

Not only are the articles total fiction, but they’ve got no idea what those recipes end up making.

Not only are the articles total fiction, but their fiction section is sometimes true.

Not only are the articles total fiction, but their fiction section is mostly recipes, the recipes section is mostly sudoku, and their crossword was written by Nostrodamus.

So it’s made up. What do they expect from a magazine mostly sponsored by make up companies?

A spokesperson for the magazine said they never made stories up, except for that one about them not making stories up.

“We don’t make these stories up – we plagiarise them from American magazines!” / the British tabloids!” / Entertainment Tonight!”

Lleyton and Rove have complained that the magazine just makes stuff up – which is exactly what the magazine’s resident- psychic Madame Zodiac said they’d do! Spooky…

Lleyton said that Women’s Day was full of misinformation about his marriage, and the horoscope didn’t even come true.

Lies about Lleyton include that his marriage is on the rocks, that Bec’s having a breakdown, and that he has some chance of winning a Grand Slam tournament again.

Lleyton said that whatever people might think, he’s a shy, down-to-earth lad who just likes hanging with his mates and bashing up magazine editors.

Lleyton said that whatever people might think, he’s a shy, down-to-earth lad who just likes hanging with his mates and leaking sensationalised stories to the media.

Lleyton said he can’t see how these rumours get started. He’s just a shy, down-to-earth lad who likes abusing umpires, acting like a prat, and lying to press conferences.

False headlines about Rove include “Rove and Tasma shock baby news!”, “Rove to wed!” and “Belinda’s shock return – as a zombie!” / and “Belinda’s shock return”…

Rove said there was no truth to the story that Belinda Emmett returned as a zombie and ate Peter Hellier’s brain. The two incidents were unrelated.

Scurrilous rumours being spread by TV Week suggested that Rove was actually a comedian.

Of course they make stuff up! They’re called Women’s Day – but they only come out every week!

At one stage, Bec Hewitt wrote a regular column for Women’s Day. Lleyton admits that’s where most of the lies were published.

From now on, Lleyton Hewitt says he’ll only sell saucy intimate details of his personal life to reputable magazines. / to the Financial Times. / to The Encyclopaedia Brittanica.

Pah. Next people will be saying that those letters to Penthouse are made up. Or that Dolly Doctor is real.

Woman’ Day editor Amy Sinclair was not responding to calls. A close friend said that apparently she’s having a breakdown due to marriage issues and a pregnancy shock.

Of course, you don’t get slanderous lies published in men’s magazines. That’d leave less room for titty.

Women’s Weekly is also accused of spreading misinformation, particularly since it went monthly.

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