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Good News Week

Fixed Term Prime (Good News Week 10/3/08: monologue)

Liberal MP Chris Pearce has called for a maximum of three terms for Prime Ministers, to prevent the nation from becoming a dictatorship. Boy, these Libs have taken this Rudd thing hard.

The Libs figure the easiest way to get rid of Rudd is legislatively. / Changing the laws seems like the only way they’re gunna get rid of Rudd…

Pearce insists the reform ideas aren’t a criticism of John Howard for staying on too long. He’s just hoping Rudd hasn’t learnt from Howard’s mistake and decides dictatorship is the only way to beat Menzies.

Pearce insists the reform ideas aren’t a criticism of John Howard – they’re a criticism of all out-of-touch, tracksuit-wearing politicians with bushy eyebrows.

Pearce insists the reform ideas aren’t just a criticism of John Howard, but mainly.

If this legislation had have already been in place, Howard wouldn’t have contested the last election, which would have probably been good for the Government. So really, the legislation is to help Labor avoid the Libs’ mistakes.

If Howard hadn’t’ve been in the last election, the Libs might have won. So maybe this’ll help them, god knows they need some ideas.

Liberal MP Chris Pearce would like the maximum term for a prime minister to be 12 years. And for an opposition leader, 12 months.

Pearce also suggested that cabinet ministers should have a maximum of 8 years in any one job, and shadow ministers no more than 8 shadow-years.

He also called for a rotation of cabinet ministers’ portfolios every eight years. After all, you don’t want to risk one of them becoming competent at their job.

He also called for a rotation of cabinet ministers’ portfolios every eight years. Anything that might give him a chance of being picked, really.

The Liberal MP doesn’t want Australia turning into a dictatorship. If Johnny couldn’t be dictator, nobody can.

The Liberal MP doesn’t want Australia turning into a dictatorship. Although, he would like something done about the Jews.

The new law will prevent dictatorships, by telling those dictators exactly what they can and can’t do.

Examples of countries that have already have a maximum tenure length are the USA and the Russian Federation. And look how great things are there.

Ah yes, the Russian Federation, a wonderful model for the flourishing of democratic rights. So long as Mr Putin says so.

By following the USA’s tradition of limited number of terms, we could end up with far more variety in our leaders. The 2020 election will be John Howard’s son against Kevin Rudd’s wife.

John Howard has pooh-poohed the idea. “A maximum of 12 years? That’s not even enough time to say ‘sorry’!”

It’s important to focus on issues like these now. After all, fixing terms is easier than fixing the country.

Of course the legislation won’t get up while Labor’s got the majority. The Libs will just have to wait till they win, when Labor will raise the exact same bill.

At first, Mr Pearce suggested 12 years, then revised it to 12 months, then revised it down to tomorrow lunchtime. It’s election time again!

He suggested cabinet ministers should have a maximum of 8 years in any given post. Though with Wayne Swan as Treasurer, maybe 8 hours is enough.

Mr Pearce suggested a maximum of three terms for a PM, and added, “This would mean that, under a four-year term, a prime minister could serve a maximum of 12 years.” Thank goodness we have MPs to do those difficult calculations for us.

If the legislation doesn’t go through, Pearce has some other suggestions, like restricting the number of years we can have a leader called Kevin.

Limiting Prime Ministerial terms will not only stop dictatorships from developing, it’ll stop PMs from feeling like they’re actually running things.

George Dubya Bush would have loved to put through similar legislation allowing US presidents to extend their reign to 12 years, but that would have meant taking his shoes and socks off.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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