Curing jet lag (The Glass House 13/7/05)

This is the sort of article that the information below refers to.

British Airways have begun a new study into solving the old problem of jet-lag. They’re hoping to encourage people’s body clocks to adjust to different time zones via the use of adjusted sleep patterns. When you’re supposed to be awake, stewardesses walk up and down the aisles banging huge drums. And when you’re supposed to be asleep they’ll sing Enya songs to you. (sings) “Sail away sail away sail a-zzzzzzzzzzzz…”

Jet-lag is caused by a lag in your own body’s circadian clock. So another cure is to remove all cicadas from your body. Or at least stop their clocks.

For sleep-deprived frequent flyers, this is a dream come true. Unfortunately, this meant that they were still asleep, and made their jet-lag infinitely worse…

Several ideas have been tried that are pretty radical – although some turned out to be totally bogus, dude.

They are trialling new “devices to block out light”. They call them “Anti-Photonic Jet-Lag-Decimators”! I call them “curtains”.

An even more radical jet-lag cure involves removing the passenger’s brain on departure and re-inserting it on arrival. As an added bonus this makes the in-flight movies entertaining and the airline food taste delicious.

An even more radical jet-lag cure involves removing the passenger’s brain on departure and re-inserting it on arrival. One risk of this technique, of course, is that you can end up with your head filled with 4.2 kilos of marijuana.

I find an excellent prevention for jet-lag is not flying.

One technique is to not sleep for a week before your flight; when the jet-lag hits, it’s like a relief.

You could always take a power-nap. Although if it’s too powerful you could end up with added lag.

There is a difference in lag between West-East flying and East-West flying. Flying West-East is said to be worse in terms of jet-lag, and flying East-West is said to be impossible since they closed the airline down.

I’ve been suffering from Jet-lag ever since I first heard their album…

Jet-lag’s one thing, but I got train-lag the other day. My train was late, and I ended up half-an-hour behind everyone else all day…

I got jet-lag last time I went to Adelaide- when I got there, all the clocks said I was half an hour ahead, but it felt more like half a century…

One way you can ensure you don’t feel fucked after your flight is to fly Virgin… though they won’t let you sleep with them.

A radical attempt to prevent jet-lag amongst terrorists is now understood to be the real motivation behind the 9/11 attacks. Apparently, it worked a treat…

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