Kevin – meet the world (Good News Week 17/3/08: What’s the story?)

Kevin Rudd is embarking on his first world tour, taking in the US, Europe and China during 17 days of travel. He’ll travel in his own private zeppelin, with a non-stop supply of iced vovos and pole dancers.

Kevin Rudd is embarking on a world tour, taking in the US, Europe and China. Apparently China has some strip-joints you wouldn’t believe!

Rudd on a world tour. You know he’s just doing it for the groupies.

Maybe he’ll stop off in the Middle East and bring Mark Vaile up to speed.

Rudd is excited at his first meeting with President Bush. They’re gunna get smashed on moonshine and go get ‘em an eyefulla’ titty.

He hasn’t seen Bush up close since his strip-club days.

Finally, he can prove to the President that he’s every bit as good as Howard at performing fellatio. / obeying orders. / getting his nose dirty. / doing whatever the CIA tell him to do. / taking it all. / calling him “daddy”.

Rudd meeting Bush. It’s like Captain Picard meeting Forrest Gump. / It’s like Luke Skywalker meeting Jabba The Hutt. / It’s like John Pilger meeting Alan Jones.

Rudd will present issues on climate change and security in the middle east, and Bush will try to open a packet of chips. / will discover his pants are on backwards. / will ask him to pull his finger.

They’ll be able to sit back and swap a few tall tales, and other ways to go to war.

It’s a great chance for Rudd to be initiated into the Brotherhood of the Snake. / to be shown the secret Chambers of Doom. / to be shown the Sacrificial Altar of Beelzebub. / to meet the creatures they really work for.

Bush has promised to show him where the WMDs really are.

Rudd will be meeting with President Bush. Though Bush still thinks he’s meeting Howard. No-one’s dared to tell him about the election in case he decides to invade and liberate us. / depose our new regime for us. / give us liberation, US style.

Rudd will be meeting with President Bush. Though Bush still thinks he’s meeting Howard. No-one dares tell him about successful regime change instigated by the people.

Kevin will be having lunch at the White House, showing that Australian-US relations remain strong despite the lack of anal sex.

Kevin will have lunch with Bush at the White House, but will draw the line at going back to his ranch and “gettin a lil brokeback action.”

Kevin will have lunch with Bush at the White House, but will draw the line at signing his name in blood for “The Real President”.

Kevin will have lunch with President Bush, but declined the offer of giving the traditional post-lunch blow-job.

Rudd’s very excited. He’s even brought his own Vovos.

Rudd will meet with Chinese President Hu and Premier Wen, along with Governor Why, General What and Treasurer Wherefore. / Treasurer IDontGiveADamn.

The final leg of the trip will be three days in China with President Hu Jintao, Premier Wen Jaibao and a new generation of leaders emerging from the 17th Party Congress. There’ll be even fewer women than at the 2020 summit.

The final leg of the trip will be three days in China, seeing the tiny little fraction of the country that President Hu Jintao and Premier Wen Jaibao allow foreigners to see.

Rudd will become the first Australian Prime Minister to attend a NATO heads of government summit. After he criticised NATO’s efforts in Afghanistan, they’ve invited him so they can throw rocks. / they’ve specifically invited him so they can abuse him in person.

Rudd will become the first Australian Prime Minister to attend a NATO heads of government summit. And, after his criticisms of NATO efforts in Afghanistan, he’ll be the first PM to be tarred and feathered. / hogtied and lynched. / tied to a donkey and run outta town.

Rudd will be the first Aussie PM to attend a NATO heads of government summit. Howard always thought it sounded far too multi-lateral.

Rudd’s going OS right in the middle of the government’s preparations for their critical first budget. Great, he’s leaving the budget in the hands of Dinkus Swan.

Rudd’s going OS right in the middle of the government’s preparations for their critical first budget. Wayne Swan’s panicking, so he’s just going to photocopy Costello’s last budget and white-out the name on the front.

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