Drugged stars are bad mmkay? (Good News Week 17/3/08: What’s the story?)

The executive director of the UN’s office on Drugs and Crime says that some stars are sending the wrong message on drugs. Well, that’s probably why they sent the wrong message then. They’re on drugs.

The executive director of the UN’s office on Drugs and Crime says that some stars are sending the wrong message on drugs, and from now on he’s using couriers. / but, quite frankly, they’d probably send the wrong message even when they’re straight.

The executive director of the UN’s office on Drugs and Crime says that some stars are sending the wrong message on drugs. And Kate Moss sends the wrong message on eating. / And Amy Winehouse sends the wrong message on hairstyles. / And most send the wrong message on talent.

Kate Moss has been slammed as fuelling problems in Africa by taking drugs. She has responded by saying that the real problems in Africa are caused by all those fat Ethiopians eating too much.

Kate Moss has responded by saying she may do drugs, but at least she doesn’t eat as much as those greedy Ethiopians.

The UN’s drug and crime chief has slammed Kate Moss for glorifying drug use, leading to problems in African nations involved in trafficking. Moss said it’s the Africans’ fault to begin with, it’s hard staying as thin as them without drugs.

It’s a form of aid. One coke-snorting celebrity party can feed an entire African nation for a year!

But if they weren’t off their tits, do you think they’d be collecting all those African kiddies?

But who wants to be rich and famous if you can’t have drugs? They’re what make the mansions and swimming pools fun!

The Executive Director of the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, Antonio Maria Costa, says the African drug problem has emerged because improvements in law enforcement have made traditional trafficking routes via North America risky. So really, it’s mostly his fault.

The head of the UN’s drug office has suggested Kate Moss and Amy Winehouse are fuelling corruption and misery in African countries through their high-profile drug use. In fact one celebrity can support an entire despotic West African regime.

The UN’s drug & crime boss said celebs should follow the example of Bono, who saves his drug-taking for Daniel Johns’ bedroom.

The UN’s drug & crime boss said celebs should follow the example of Bono, and realise that singing ability really isn’t as important as wearing unusual sunglasses.

The UN’s drug & crime boss said celebs should follow the example of Bob Geldof, who apparently doesn’t take drugs. So I dunno why he looks like that.

The UN’s drug & crime boss said celebs should follow the example of Bob Geldof, who doesn’t take drugs. He just looks like that because he don’t like Mondays.

Costa says the drug business is propping up corrupt West African governments that exploit children. Much like Winehouse’s music.

The greatest tragedy is that so many drugs are now exported from Africa that there are none left for them to cultivate a home-grown entertainment business. / celebrity culture.

Celebrities glorifying drug use leads to an increased demand for drugs by their fans, usually so they can understand what they’re saying.

If they want to stop celebrities using drugs, the easiest way would be to make the drugs a lot less fun.

A spokesman for Amy Winehouse said “Amy has never given a quote about drugs or flaunted it any way. Apart from her big hit single being about saying no to rehab.”

A spokesman for Amy Winehouse said “Amy has never given a quote about drugs or flaunted it any way. That song about saying no to rehab has been completely misinterpreted to mean she’s saying no to rehab.”

A spokesman for Amy Winehouse said “Amy has never given a quote about drugs or flaunted it any way.” Obviously Rehab was just a love song.

A spokesman for Amy Winehouse said “Amy has never given a quote about drugs or flaunted it any way. That big hit single being about saying no to rehab was metaphorical. Er, for saying no to drugs. Yeah, that’s it.”

A spokesman for Amy Winehouse said “Amy has never given a quote about drugs or flaunted it any way. When she sang about “saying no to rehab”, what she was really saying was “say yes to foreign aid”.

But Amy Winehouse isn’t pro-drugs. She’s just anti-rehab.

A spokesman for Amy Winehouse said that Mr Costa was “a ludicrous man” who hasn’t even had one hit single.

A spokesman for Amy Winehouse said that Mr Costa is “a ludicrous man” who seems to care more about children and foreigners than he does about important things like hairstyles and cocaine.

Amy Winehouse has been slammed for fuelling problems in Africa by taking drugs. She has replied that without drugs, her music would be even more shit. / She has replied that without drugs, she’d never have written her rehab song, which would mean she’d never have been able to afford so many top-quality drugs.

Amy Winehouse has denied having any negative effect on Africa. She’s never even toured there.

Of course, an alternative solution is to make the drugs legal, stamping out corruption and smuggling in one fell swoop. That way people all over the world can choose their own levels of misery and instability.

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