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First female GG the last (Good News Week 21/4/08: Don’t Quote Me)

Well, Australia is going to have its first female Governor-General, Quentin Bryce. It was actually a bit of a slip-up, Kevin Rudd never suspected Quentin was a woman. / Kevin thought Quentin was a boy’s name.

I don’t reckon this is such a big step forward as it’s been made out to be – we’ve had a female Queen for years.

She’ll also be the first Governor-General to have comments made about her hemline. / her waistline. / the colour of her frocks.

It’s great finally having a woman in the role of Governor General. Equality is especially important in obsolete positions that we plan to get rid of.

What Rudd’s really saying is, “here, have this obsolete job that I plan to get rid of”. He may as well have made her Town Crier. / Guardian of the Portcullis. / Maiden of the Moat.

So our first female Governor General is likely to be our last. That’s just how much the Elite hate seeing a woman in power. / Proof there’s a patriarchal conspiracy.

Speculation has begun mounting that Bryce may be the last Governor-General, with Kevin Rudd having raised the idea of an Aussie republic directly with the Queen. Rudd reckons Australia shouldn’t have to be subservient to a woman.

Now he’s appointed a woman in the position, he really wants to abolish it.

It’s a bit of a backhander really, with Rudd also saying that he’s in favour of a republic. What Rudd’s really saying is that the G-G’s job is so unimportant a woman could do it.

What with the Queen, the Governor-General, and the Deputy PM all being women, Rudd’s the only man left in a position of executive power. And we all know he’s really being run by Therese.

Ms Bryce’s appointment has raised eyebrows, as she’s a self-described monarchist. Probably not a bad thing for the Queen’s representative to be, otherwise it all sounds a bit like a plot. / treasonous.

It’s probably for the best that Ms Bryce is a monarchist. Republican Governor-Generals tend to be filled with self-loathing, which is not a good look when cutting ribbons.

It only makes sense that we have a woman representing the Queen. She understands her secret womanly desires.

Now once a month, Australia will go to war. / Rudd will have to be tactful if he wants to not get sacked.

The plan is that, when the Queen dies, so will her meaningless out-dated colonial ownership of our country. No offence, ma’am!

So, for the governor general, time is quickly running out – although not quite as quickly as it is for Brendan Nelson.

Rudd has reignited the republic debate with recent comments made when visiting the Queen. Probably not the best place to bring it up, really.

Rudd has reignited the republic debate with recent comments made in a British news conference. Most of his comments were carefully worded phrases like “we welcome the debate” and “we’ll watch the results”, to avoid mentioning his own personal feelings on the topic – but he kinda gave it away with “ditch the old fucking cow”. She was not amused.

Rudd has reignited the republic debate. At 50, he’s still got a chance at being President.

Rudd has reignited the republic debate. Whoever gets to change Australia into a republic also gets to be our first President! / Being the first PM to say sorry isn’t enough, he’s got to be first President too.

And at last we can make jokes about the GG looking like a “gee-gee”, and it’s just being a dinkum larrikin! Ah, us Aussies, so very sexist.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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