Qantas and Jetstar have admitted that they’re flying more slowly to conserve fuel in an attempt to contain costs. They’re also saving up heaps of those 4 cents off vouchers.
Of course, if they really want to minimise fuel use, they can always get the passengers to all just get out and push.
To further help save fuel use, they’re asking that, during the flight, could passengers please flap their arms.
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And if fuel prices keep rising, it’s going to be quicker to walk. And so much cheaper!
They’re also trialling a scheme where they don’t use the engines at all unless it looks like they’re actually going to crash.
Slower planes are undoubtedly cheaper. Although it does get a bit embarrassing when you get passed by a seagull. / when you’re being overtaken by clouds.
To further help save fuel use, they’re asking that all their passengers lose a little weight. / all their pudgy passengers to take off a couple of layers of clothes before they fly. / all their passengers share the one pack of peanuts.
As an additional economy, they’re insisting that all passengers carry aboard as many helium balloons as they can carry. / they’re packing the luggage with helium balloons. / the only carry-on luggage allowed is helium balloons. / they’re filling the cabin with helium. Not only does it make the plane lighter, it makes the pilot’s announcements really squeaky.
To further help save fuel use, some airlines now only accept passengers who are midgets. / jockeys. / supermodels. / anorexic. / hobbits. / who bring their own fuel.
Some airlines are now offering cheaper tickets if you bring your own fuel.
To save fuel, some airlines are refusing to carry passengers. “Yeah, turns out passengers were just weighing us down,” said a spokespilot, “and it’s so much roomier!”
They did have a plan to develop a water-fuelled airplane, but then we’re almost out of that too! Aaiiieeee!
Virgin Blue has been trialling other ways of saving fuel use, including the introduction of “winglets”. They’re like training wheels for pilots. / And if they work, maybe they can get rid of the big wings altogether.
Virgin Blue has been trialling other ways of minimising fuel use, including the introduction of “winglets”. They’re special feathery singlets the pilots wear. It’s something about wind resistance, I think. Or air pressure.
Of course, there’s a limit to how slow you can fly. Get down to a certain speed and it’s actually called stopping. But hell, it saves a lotta fuel! / But that saves the most fuel of all!
But if they slow down too much they might go into reverse… and then the Melbourne-Sydney leg will take days.
Another way to save fuel is to stop all the kiddies inhaling it. / chroming with it.
The US budget airline JetBlue estimated that adding 2 minutes per flight saved them 13.6 million dollars a year. I knew time was money, but I didn’t realise it was that expensive. / Looks like time really does fly.
Airline companies profits are plummeting. Which might be the next plan for the planes.
