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Will swap goats and cows for Chelsea Clinton (The Glass House 10/8/05)

A Kenyan man has been waiting for five years to get a reply to his offer to Bill Clinton of 40 goats and 20 cows in exchange for Bill’s daughter Chelsea’s hand in marriage. “I’m really hoping he replies soon,” said Godwin Chepkurgor. “These goats and cows are OK, but they’re no Chelsea Clinton.”

Bill has now said he’s uninterested in the goats and cows offer. “But throw in an intern and I’m all ears.”

Chelsea was flattered by the offer. “But really, I’m more interested in people who I’ve met. And who don’t just throw livestock around willy-nilly.”

Bill’s said to have made a counter-offer: “Make it 60 cows and she’s yours.”

Bill’s said to have made a counter-offer: “Chelsea’s off limits. But you can have Monica at half-price.”

Mr Chepkurgor has planned a grand wedding, presided over by Bishop Desmond Tutu. “And attended by hundreds of goats!”

Mr Chepkurgor has vowed to stay single until his proposal is answered. Much to the disappointment of hungry fathers all over Kenya.

Clinton has said he’ll only accept payment in cigars.

Clinton said he’d accept the deal, but doesn’t have enough chickens to give the man change.

Chelsea is outraged. “40 goats! I’m worth at least 45!”

Chelsea is outraged. “40 goats! The going rate’s 45!”

With Hilary Clinton touted to run for President, Chelsea’s worth has skyrocketed to over 60 goats, 50 cows, and a tray of very tasty woodgrubs.

Mr. Clinton’s office said the problem was not the offer itself, but that it was proving too costly and messy to send the livestock over to the US by fax.

Clinton’s accepted the offer. “I wouldn’t normally, but I really needed the milk!”

George W Bush has heard about the offer and is willing to sell him Jenna. “Back in Texas, I’d only get 20 goats! This is the deal of a life-time!”

George W Bush has heard about the offer and is willing to sell him Jenna. “I can use all the goats I can get!”

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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