Cut-out cops (Good News Week 23/6/08: Upcut)

Police in Vancouver are using cardboard replicas of traffic cops pointing radar guns to try to reduce speeding. And if they catch you speeding, they’ll issue you with a ticket – but don’t worry, it’s only a paper one.

They look just like real cops, and have better personalities.

They look just like real cops, but are easier to set alight! / run over! / stab with scissors!

And if they catch you speeding, you could be in for a high-speed paper chase.

Now that’s cost-cutting.

They’re cutting down on actual police and replacing them with cardboard cutouts. Which’d be great, except that criminals aren’t following suit.

They’re fantastic for catching cardboard criminals.

Unfortunately, the cutout cops are easily bribed with a cutout of a wad of cash inside the cutout of a brown paper bag.

Not only are the cardboard cops great for preventing speeding, but they do all the paperwork.

Not only are they patient and hardworking, but biodegradable too!

And if you resist arrest, they can give you a nasty papercut.

Unfortunately, the cutout cops fold under pressure.

Cardboard cops are really busy. Even when they’re not at work, they’re flat out…

Real cops would do the job, but they’re not cut out for it… / They would use the cardboard cops for other police work, but they’re just not cut out for it.

The cut-out cops are not only cutting down the road toll, but they’re also much better at taking abuse from motorists.

The cut-out cops are double-sided so they can do “good cop/bad cop” just by flipping them around.

They’re also thinking of using the cut-out cops to direct traffic. Although they still need a real cop there to move its arms.

To make them totally realistic, they’ve given the cutouts little cardboard donuts. / cardboard donuts and cups of hot cardboard.

The ploy hasn’t worked that well, possibly because they’ve placed the cardboard cops in concealed positions.

And there’s no corruption – although there is a problem with waterlogging. / rain damage. / flapping. / wind.

And crims aren’t ever tempted to blow them away – the wind does it for them.

Initially they’re using 8 cut-outs. Well actually they’re using heaps more, but the rest are undercover. / painted to look like civilians.

If you try to speed past one of the cardboard cops, they could chase after you on their recycle…

A tow-truck driver pulled up to one and started talking to it – so they’re also good for catching drink-drivers.

A tow-truck driver pulled up to one and started talking to it. But what exactly he said is staying between him and his cardboard lawyer.

A tow-truck driver actually started talking to one of the cut-outs. They only know because when he got no response he beat the cop to a pulp.

America is also thinking of adopting the system. After all, they’ve had an unrealistic cardboard cutout as President for years…

Leave a Reply