Botox on the run(Good News Week 23/6/08: What’s the Story)

A chain of Aussie hair salons is set to offer walk-in, walk-out Botox treatments. So now there’s no more worries about your new haircut revealing unsightly wrinkles!

The walk-in botox surgery will be great for people looking for instant beautification, as well as those just desperately in need of muscular paralysis.

Fantastic! Now you can take botox daily until your face gets so smooth it disappears altogether!

It’ll also come in handy for those last minute surgery decisions.

Alternatively you could reduce worry lines in your lunch break by actually having lunch.

You can walk back into work after lunch feeling like a different person – and looking like an emotionless android freak!

Of course, botulism isn’t the only toxic substance they have on offer. Who knows what’s really in that conditioner? / You don’t wanna know what’s really in that conditioner. / Just the conditioner alone contains 5 separate diseases!

And the hairbrushes are full of nits.

Botox is of course a great way to get rid of frown lines caused by worrying about injecting yourself with one of the most poisonous substances in the world.

It’s great for the workaholic: walk-in walk-out Botox enables you to remove frown lines without ever detaching yourself from the stressful lifestyle that causes them!

The treatment’s so quick that some people aren’t even taking a whole lunch break, they’re just popping out for a quick Toxo.

The only risk with getting botox done in your lunchbreak is that you might get the work experience girl on duty.

You’ve got to be careful with getting a lunchtime Botox job, though the meal deal is excellent value. / though you do get free chips. / though you do get a half-price thickshake.

Up until now if you wanted to get botulism on your lunch break you had to take your chances at KFC.

Or you could just go out for Maccas and hope to get botulism that way.

Of course, it’s a real problem for secret agents. When they try to get back into HQ after their botox-lunchbreak, the face-recognition system locks them out.

One salon is now even offering drive-thru Botox, though the queues can be a problem.

Fast-food-style cosmetic enhancement has its risks. It’s one thing when they mess up your order at the drive-thru; it’s another when you pop in for a pedicure and come out with a paralysed face / and they paralyse your face muscles. / and you come out looking like Naomi Robson.

And unlike doing an old-fashioned facelift in your lunch break, at least you can still eat lunch.

Of course, botulism isn’t the only toxic substance they’re willing to inject into your face. They’re happy to jab you with anything. / They really just want you to die.

Not only are they willing to inject you with botulism toxins, but they hope you get arse-cancer!

Coz nothing says ‘beauty’ like botulism toxins injected into your face.

Not only can you now get botulism toxins injected into your face, but you can get leprosy rubbed into your hair for that ‘just rotted’ feeling.

For a little extra, you can also get an all-over treatment, with botox injected into your face, a tummy wrap of lice, and your feet immersed in a bath of scabies. / tetanus.

The botulism toxin is one of the most toxic substances on the planet, with a few hundred grams capable of killing every human on earth – but it’d worth it to get rid of those frown lines! / – so slightly less toxic than nail-polish remover.

The botulism toxin is one of the most toxic substances on the planet, with a few hundred grams capable of killing every human on earth. Which is slightly less toxic than the shit you’re already putting in your hair, so why not?

Sure, there are more deadly things you could inject into your face during your lunchbreak. BUT YOU WOULDN’T.

In America, a current trend is for Botox parties, where you hang out with your friends in a hotel room drinking and getting injected. It’s like being a rock star without the gigs. / but without having to waste all those years learning an instrument.

Leave a Reply