World No-Being-Rude-To-Catholics Day (Good News Week 7/7/08: What’s the Story)

New powers will allow police to arrest, fine and partially strip-search Sydneysiders for causing annoyance or inconvenience to World Youth Day participants. Because World Youth Day should be a celebration of youth! Obedient, straight-laced youth! / And youth should shut up and do what they’re told.

Annoyance could mean anything from wearing a T-shirt to riding a skateboard to playing music. In general, anything that suggests “youth”.

Fair enough. It’s meant to be a celebration of youth, not people who wear slogans on T-shirts.

New powers will allow police to arrest and fine people for “causing annoyance” on World Youth Day. Because the swarming throngs of thick-headed doofuses lining the city streets will be quite annoying enough on their own.

The laws will be in place until the end of July, when all Sydneysiders can relax and go back to their normal, annoying ways.

You’ll be arrested and fined if you cause annoyance on World Youth Day. Unfortunately it doesn’t look like that’s going to extend to the Pope.

Transgressors will be fined $5500, meaning that someone wearing an anti-Catholic T-shirt could be fined five times as much as someone exposing themselves. Which they might also do if they have to take off their T-shirt.

These radical new laws will potentially make wearing an anti-Christian T-shirt, riding a skateboard, or even just playing music a criminal offence, punishable by a five-and-a-half-thousand-dollar fine. Just another reason to praise the lord. / Wow, God really is all merciful. / Yup, World Youth Day’s all about peace and love.

When the Pope visits, we get partial strip-searches and baggage-checks in our own city, and are told what we can or can’t wear on a t-shirt. Who’d thought the Pope was a Nazi? / Looks like Pope Ratzinger is keen on reliving his days in the Hitler Youth. / How dare people say the Pope’s a Nazi!

But all sorts of innocent activities could be classified “annoying”, anything from wearing a t-shirt that says “the Pope is a Nazi”, to running around shouting obscenities dressed as a naked Jesus with a cross up your arse! / anything from wearing a t-shirt that says “I banged Jesus up the wrongun”, to strapping a bomb to yourself and taking out the Pope!

People entering train or bus stations can be forced to remove coats or headgear if asked by police. Because nothing’s more annoying to the Pope than a burkha.

People entering train or bus stations can be forced to remove coats or headgear if asked by police. They’re scared someone might be trying to smuggle through a Koran. / Torah. / copy of the Satanic Verses. / some Harry Potter.

People entering train or bus stations can be forced to remove coats or headgear if asked by police. As though public transport wasn’t humiliating enough! / wasn’t traumatic enough! / wasn’t already like torture!

You can be asked to remove coats on public transport. Because covering up that offensive T-shirt isn’t fooling anyone. / Because if you’re wearing an offensive T-shirt you’d better have it out and offending.

The Government’s World Youth Day spokeswoman said everyone had the right to protest so long as it was “peaceful and lawful.” And music, condom, skateboard and T-shirt-free.

The Government’s World Youth Day spokeswoman said everyone had the right to protest so long as it was “peaceful and lawful.” And brutally repressed by a set of new laws verging on fascism.

The Government’s World Youth Day spokeswoman said everyone had the right to protest so long as it was “peaceful and lawful.” And as long as there’s no actual protesting going on.

Not only do the powers extend to the police force, but to hired security guards too. So the tattooed guy strip-searching you at the train station for God was, last week, kicking in the head of someone who’d touched one of the ladies. / who’d had too many rum n cokes. / who’d done too much coke in the toilets.

So, one of most decadent cities in this secular democracy of ours is visited by an old Nazi who now claims to be God’s representative on Earth, and our government turns us into a fascist state where you’re scared to wear the wrong t-shirt in case you’re strip-searched at a bus station by an ex-bouncer. The Lord sure does moves in mysterious ways…

Because it might be World Youth Day, but God is a cranky old bastard.

These laws are tough but necessary. How else are 100,000 Catholics with God on their side meant to protect themselves against a malicious T-shirt?

Annoying behaviour could also include playing music. And if that means no hymns, it’ll all be worth it!

And you won’t be allowed to express anti-Catholic sentiments. Jesus fistfucking Christ!

Whoever passed this anti-annoyance legislation should be fined – it’s bloody annoying. / Well the NSW Government clearly knows all about annoyance.

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