Charlie’s Wine Car (Good News Week 7/7/08: What’s the Story)

Prince Charles is cutting his carbon footprint by running his 38 year old Aston Martin on fuel made from surplus English wine. Only problem is, his car is now permanently over the limit.

Well? It is a vintage car…

Prince Charles is driving his car on surplus wine. He’s got to do something with all that ‘38 Chateau Latour.

It more than makes up for all the petrol he drinks. / sniffs.

The car now emits no CO2, although it does occasionally have to pull over and vomit.

His car is even more pissed than he is.

Which is perfect, coz English wine tastes like petrol.

It’s like a giant portable cask. / giant cask on wheels.

And, apparently, it’s also good for the environment.

At least, that’s the Prince’s excuse for always smelling like a winery.

Unfortunately, since he’s been filling his car with white, he can only drive with chicken or fish.

He finds that his car generally drives better with red wine, although he prefers to use white if he’s driving with chicken or fish.

Unfortunately, since he’s been filling his car with white, he has to park it in the fridge.

Best of all, he can now fill up his car and get smashed at the same time.

Although if you put too much wine into the car it tends to get smashed.

Wine doesn’t have very good mileage. In fact, it’s usually only enough to get him to the next winery.

Instead of regular oil, he uses virgin olive oil. And he squeegees with crusty vienna. / with rare eye fillet.

Charlie converted the car to run on wine after he ran out of fuel made from Diana’s blood. / fuel made from the blood of the servants.

He was forced to use wine after running the car on caviar somehow clogged up the engine.

His Aston Martin runs on white wine, his Mercedes runs on red, and, for after-dinner appointments, he has a little Mini filled with vintage port.

He also has a car filled with coffee for when he feels like doing doughnuts.

Unfortunately his experiment with running the palace horses on wine has turned out less successfully.

And his private jet now runs on vintage brie.

His car runs on surplus wine. Unfortunately, Britain being a nation of pissheads, there’s no such thing as surplus wine. / there’s never any surplus.

He does it to reduce his carbon footprint, and to get his car pissed.

In the boot, he has two jerry cans: one for the car, and one for him.

Now if he’s found over the limit he can just say he had to do some syphoning.

Alcohol-fuelled cars are very greenhouse friendly, although they often get into arguments about which way to go. / although they do sometimes throw up on your shoes. / although they do want to punch all the other traffic in the nose. / although they keep swerving all over the road.

Soon when you dine out you’ll have a choice of house wine or car.

It turns out the whole thing was actually inspired by Charlie’s misunderstanding of the chant “Charlie’s a wine-car” (clap-clap clap-clap clap).

Of course, his sons have been filling up on wine for years.

Prince Charles has been intending to run his car on wine for some time, but someone seems to have been gotten tucked into his cellar. Not looking at any Princes in particular…

The Queen is also thinking of fuelling her cars on corgi crap.

He’s not the only royal to try various new fuel technologies. Prince Harry’s car runs almost entirely on bongwater, and the Queen has for years been running her car on the blood of Lady Di.

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