I’m Hot for Preacher (Good News Week 14/7/08: Strange But True)

Organisers are using a calendar of 12 hot priests to promote World Youth Day. Relax ladies, they’re gay – for the Lord.

They may be hot, but only for Jesus.

Please forgive me Father, for I’m about to sin…

The priests know it’s not a sin to pose for photographs. They’ve been telling altar boys that for years. / At least, that’s what they tell the altar boys.

And you should see the calendar of hot nuns! Hoooboy! The things they can do with a string of rosaries… / crucifix!

And you should see the Pope’s calendar of hot photos from when he was a young man! It’s called “Nazi Nuns Get Nasty!”

The hot priests really make you want to get on your knees, close your eyes, open your mouth, and let them give you communion.

Is that a communion wafer in your pocket? / Is that a cross in your pocket?

The calendar is so popular now that Van Halen are planning to re-release their classic song “Hot for Preacher”…

The only downer is when you get to December. It’s the Pope in a G-string.

There are some boys in need of saving – from the Lord.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

Ten commandments, and twelve ways to break them.

Now there are some priests crying out for a little sin.

What’s the point of a hot priest? It’s like having a cake you can’t eat.

They claim the photos aren’t trying to portray the men as sexually appealing, but as just ordinary hunky guys who have strong rippling bodies and can go all night. / and are hung like bison.

They claim the photos aren’t trying to portray the men as sexually appealing to anyone but Jesus.

The pics are being used to promote World Youth Day, despite the fact they’re aimed at enticing American visitors to Rome. Well it was better than using George Pell.

The pics are being used to promote World Youth Day, despite the fact that none of the featured priests are likely to be attending. But then, have you seen Sydney’s priests? / But then, photos of Sydney’s priests aren’t likely to attract anyone. / the only photos of Sydney Catholic priests are still in the hands of police.

They had tried producing a calendar of Sydney’s catholic priests, but pics of twelve old paedophiles didn’t have the same impact. / didn’t sell as well. / seemed wrong for World Youth Day.

A special calendar being produced for World Youth Day will feature 12 hot new poses from the Pope. / Pope-poses. / Pontiff-poses.

They started using the unrelated calendar to promote World Youth Day after the one starring the Pope in sexy poses caused people to gouge their eyes out.

People who think the calendar is sexually exploitative should see the one they did in bikinis!

Mmm, himbo priests. They can sodomise me any day.

Himbo priests. There’s a new TV series right there.

Some of them are now appearing in a new series of (sexily) “Mass for you (lick finger, point, hss) at home”. / “Mass for you At Home, In The Bath, On The Kitchen Table While I Feed You Communion Wafers”.

Hot priests really bring women closer to the lord. You can hear them crying out “Oh God, YES!”

Hot priests are perfect for attracting women to the church. Unfortunately, you also have to spend a lot more time mopping the pews once they’ve left.

So World Youth Day is promoting itself with pictures of hot young Italians? Who’s picking these posters, Catholic priests? Oh yeah, of course.

The church claims the photos aren’t meant to suggest that priests are sexually appealing. The photos are simply suggesting that Italian guys are hot.

But please, just let me stress that not all Catholic Priests are paedophiles. Some like to fuck pigs.

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