Telephone Ads Make Hilarious Sitcoms (Good News Week 14/7/08: Odd One Out)

Telstra are thinking of launching a sitcom based on the ad with the father telling his son that the Great Wall of China was used for keeping out rabbits. Huh! And they say Australia can’t make sitcoms!

It’s sure to go ahead. They may only have two very vague characters, and 20 seconds worth of ideas… but they already have a sponsor.

Because what we really want to see more of is stupid people lying to their children.

Because just making phones work properly is boring.

Because they’ve realised that they need more than just running a telecommunications system.

Because, if people are laughing at the hilarious antics of a doofus father and his inquisitive son, they may forget all about being stranded in the bush with no mobile coverage.

They’re also thinking of launching an interactive campaign where you can ask the dad questions, and he answers them. They’re thrilled at finally being able to really use their well-practised skills at giving wrong answers. / making mistakes.

They’re also launching an interactive campaign where you can ask the dad questions, and he offers incorrect answers – they’re calling it “technical support”.

Because what Aussies love more than anything else is watching morons saying things that are clearly not true. Why else would the ratings for A Current Affair be so high? / Today Tonight / The Footy Show be so good?

So now advertising execs want to launch their own sitcom. The Gruen Transfer has a lot to answer for.

The managing director of BigPond doesn’t like to call them “ads”, preferring the term “marketing messages”. He also prefers the term “managing director” over “total wanker”.

The principal of the advertising agency said that Patrick, the Dad, could have an angry first wife, a potential second wife, lots of minor details like that that they could work out if someone gave them lots of money.

Because Australia’s crying out for a broadband-based sitcom.

The thing is really one giant ad. But, in between the advertising, there will be little breaks for actual entertainment. / entertainment breaks.

The future of TV! People will tune in for the advertisements, and, during the culture-breaks, they’ll go make cuppa. / they’ll go take a crap.

It’s going to be the first of its kind: the sit-com-mercial.

The best thing is that you can go to the loo through the whole show.

The principal of the advertising agency said that there was loads of potential for the comedy. Patrick, the Dad character, could have an angry first wife, a potential second wife… ohohohohoho (wipe eyes) oh my… second wife! Where do they get their ideas?

Of course you don’t have to watch the sitcom, though the other channels will have to pay Telstra to screen their shows.

The idea was launched at the Cannes Advertising Festival, with a sizzling pitch. “It’s the story of a single dad without Telstra broadband, who is therefore unable to answer his son’s questions correctly. Despite everyone’s advice, he continues to refuse to sign up for BigPond! And therefore appears very foolish!”

It’s got everything a sitcom needs: a stupid father, an absence of a broadband plan, and a jingle for when it puts you on hold.

The sitcom will be called Just Sign Up For Bigpond, You Stupid Fool. / be called The “Guy From The Telstra Ad Who Tells His Son The Great Wall Of China Was For Keeping Out Rabbits Oh Yeah And He Also Says It Was The Emperor Nasi Goreng Which It Really Wasn’t At All” Show.

The show’s plotlines will revolve around the stupid man being stupid! Resulting in all sorts of stupid stuff! (Don’t call in to complain, they’ve cut off your phone.)

And, if critics don’t like the show, BigPond will just cut off their broadband.

Executives are right behind the idea – they just want to change the old man into Angelina Jolie, turn the son into Adam Sandler, and instead of the “Big Pond” thingie, setting it in a Las Vegas casino. It virtually writes itself!

Many people wonder “where is the mother”? Well, according to the father, she fell down some stairs after walking into a door. That guy’s a crackup! / That guy just can’t lie convincingly! / It’s a sitcom classic! / Ah, he always gives an answer that isn’t true.

If this is a success, they’ve got another sitcom ready to roll, about an American owner of an Australian telecommunications company! He’ll do simply anything to maintain monopoly status and avoiding government interference – with hilarious consequences!

If this is a success, they’ve got another sitcom ready to roll, about an American owner of an Australian telecommunications company! It’s called Trujillo Stories. / Sol in Charge. / My Name Is Sol.

Optus were also thinking of launching a sitcom, but it’s proven too difficult to find enough racoons who are able to drive. / who are genuinely interested in telecommunications. / who are able to act. / who are have their own sound gear.

Optus were also thinking of launching a sitcom, but Lancelot Link Secret Chimp had already been done.

Optus were thinking of responding with a feature film based on their ads, until it turned out The Lion King had already been done.

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