Powered by Rave (Good News Week 14/7/08: 3 1/2 Corners)

A London nightclub is about to open which will use the pounding of clubbers’ feet to generate electricity. Of course the most eco-friendly dancers will be those who avoid pirouettes and go the Zombie Stomp.

If you want to be really eco-friendly, make sure you bring your jackhammer.

If you want to be really eco-friendly, wear massive boots and jump up and down as quickly as possible. In other words dance as badly as you can.

The organisers are hoping the club attracts plenty of patrons, especially big blokes who dance like cavemen.

The only problem with a dance-floor powered by dancers is that if you play some Chris de Burgh, all the lights go out.

Unfortunately there was a black-out recently when a DJ accidentally played some James Blunt.

A London nightclub is about to open which will generate 60% of their electricity from the pounding of clubbers’ feet, and 40% from the bouncers’ pounding of clubber’s heads.

In order to power the building effectively, they will only be playing speed metal. / speedcore. / digital hardcore and drill-and-bass. / tracks over 200bpm.

They say they’ll generate about 60 percent of a building’s energy from the dance floor – 100% if they play songs at double speed.

Dancing generates about 60% of the club’s electricity. The other 40% is generated by blowjobs in the dunnies. / is generated by fitness-fanatics jogging in a giant hamster-wheel. / is generated by solar panels that are sensitive to bling. / is generated by setting fire to dolphins. / is generated by the fist-energy of the bouncers. / is generated every time the bouncer says “no mate, not with those shoes”.

The dancefloor will generate about 60 percent of the building’s energy, meaning that only 40 percent will have to come from burning panda flesh. / from harnessing wind-power in the toilets.

Entry to the club costs more than $20, but customers who can prove they got there by eco-friendly means will be let in free. At the door you have to show your train or bus ticket, bicycle or blistered feet.

Entry to the club costs more than $20, but customers who can prove they got there by eco-friendly means will be let in free. And the drinks are half-price for pandas.

The light show is supposed to be awesome, although it does take about 10 minutes to properly warm up.

The club also has internal solar panels, that use the light show to generate power, which then is used to power the light show.

Unfortunately the light show is a bit underwhelming, as each light has to be left on for 5 minutes to reach full brightness.

To further save energy, instead of a lightshow, they have a guy waving a couple of torches around.

They introduced the dance-floor technology after several failed attempts at powering a night club on the sweat generated by pill-poppers. / on the elbow energy of punters popping pills.

Of course, it’s still not as environmentally friendly as turning off the air-conditioning, the smoke machine, the lights, the PA system, and the music, then shutting the place down and reopening it as an organic greengrocers.

Not only is the club powered by the dancers, but the toilets are powered by people snorting speed. / but the toilets run on piss. / but the toilets actually flush with urine.

It’s a great system – not only does faster dancing create a better lightshow, but for those slow cheek-to-cheek numbers, the lights automatically dim.

And on slow nights, everyone just has to sit in the dark.

The chillout room is like your own private black hole.

Of course, this technology isn’t restricted to dancers. In fact, entry to the nightclub is half-price for epileptics.

The club says they’re taking a “sexy and fresh approach”, including using recycled water in the toilets. Because nothing’s sexier than recycled water. Or fresher.

The club says they’re taking a “sexy and fresh approach”, including using recycled water in the toilets. Hopefully not recycled directly from the toilets or it may be a redefinition of “sexy and fresh”.

The next series of So You Think You Can Dance will be powered entirely on energy generated by Natalie Bassingthwaite’s hair. / will generate enough power to change Natalie’s hairstyle every ten minutes. / will generate enough power to run the judges’ wardrobe.

Inspired, the Australian Government plans to power the entire east coast on the next season of So You Think You Can Dance.

2 Responses to “Powered by Rave (Good News Week 14/7/08: 3 1/2 Corners)”

  1. Steve Says:

    I’m trying to find out who performed the song “peel me a grape” on the 14/07/08 show? I’m not sure if you can help or even if this is the right place to ask such a question?

    Hoping someone can help…

    Steve

  2. Wok Says:

    My script just says “Towera”, I think it was Towera Smith from the Martini Club.

    Cheers
    Wok

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