Oil crisis = whore crisis (Good News Week 28/7/08: Strange But True)

American brothels have had a huge slump in business due to the oil crisis. Turns out blokes don’t need sex as badly as they need petrol to get there.

The price of crude, stops ‘em getting rude.

All over America blokes who are no longer able to afford to get their rocks off, are instead staying at home polishing their gun collections…

American brothels have had a huge slump in business due to the oil crisis. Expensive petroleum products means expensive lube, which means they have to go without. According to one trucker, it was like humping a sandbox.

According to the Nevada Brothel Owners association, rising oil prices have resulted in the worst business in half a century. That’s right, some of their girls are that old. / I would’ve thought that the girls who remember business from half a century ago wouldn’t be getting that much work these days anyway.

Brothels in Nevada have been hit hard by rising oil prices, because the majority of their clients are truckers, and no longer have the money to spare. Looks like the truckers will have to stick to getting fucked by the petrochemical industry. / Looks like these days the girls are only getting fucked by the petroleum industry.

Looks like the girls are over a barrel. And not in the usual way. / And not in the way their customers are used to. / Which, with oil at 140 dollars a barrel, is also getting expensive.

And almost nobody asks for their “hookers covered in sump” special anymore.

And if a prostitute suggests a rub down with oil, truckers run away screaming.

The oil crisis has crippled the brothel industry, but on the other hand it’s been great for sales of pornos at truck stops.

No way! Paying a fortune to have meaningless sex with an ugly redneck slut is the best thing about being a trucker!

Truckers are pissed off too. Truckin’ without hoes is like truckin’ without country music or high-grade amphetamines.

Well, with fuel prices what they are, the truckers have to make a choice: hookers or speed? And the hookers aren’t right there, just begging to be snorted.

Many truckers just can’t afford hookers any more. It’s expensive enough just buying petrol, groceries and drugs.

Because of licensing restrictions, brothels are several hours drive outside of metropolitan areas, making it expensive for truckers to get there. Many brothel owners are really wishing they’d built on the highway instead.

Truckers are one of the target markets for brothels several hours out of town – they’re the only ones who can get there. / it’s unconvincing when you tell your mum you’re just going down the shops and you’ll be back tomorrow.

I’ll tell you one thing, when you drive several hours to get to a brothel you can probably get by with a quick visit.

Things are getting so bad that brothel owners are being forced to employ girls that it’s worth driving several hours to screw.

Boy, I knew things were bad, but prostitution collapsing? Mankind is doomed! / It’s all over!

Some brothels are also offering petrol discount schemes. Guys are now popping in just for the cheap petrol. / Men all over America now have a good excuse. / “Sheena, I’m doing it for the cheap petrol!” / the savings!”

Brothels are offering petrol discount schemes and tax refund schemes. A $600 tax refund cheque will buy you a $1200 George Bush party: three girls and a bottle of Champagne. Or the cheaper Bill Clinton party: one girl and a cigar.

Brothels are offering petrol discount schemes and tax refund schemes. A $600 tax refund cheque will buy you a $1200 “George Bush” party: you get a bottle of Champagne and get to have your way with three girls. Or the “George Dubya Bush” party: you get a line of coke, a bottle of bourbon, and you get to fuck the Iraqi people.

George Bush’s $600 tax refund cheque will buy you a $1200 George Bush party: three girls and a bottle of Champagne, all of which suddenly explode.

A $600 tax refund cheque will buy you a $1200 George Dubya Bush party: three girls and a bottle of Champagne. Although the girls turn out to not actually be legitimate prostitutes, and the Champagne is just sexed-up Coke.

A $600 tax refund cheque will buy you a $1200 George Bush party: 3 girls for you to play “hide Osama” with – and a bottle of champagne to drown your sorrows at having fucked up the entire world.

President Bush said that having a brothel party named after him was insulting. After all, he’s given up hookers in solidarity with the troops.

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