Categories
Good News Week

Schoolgirls harass construction workers (Good News Week 28/7/08: So You Think You Can Mime)

British high school girls who have been wolf-whistling at construction workers have been warned to stop. See, it starts with school girls showing a bit of plumbers’ crack, and look where it ends.

British high school girls who have been wolf-whistling at construction workers have been warned to stop. And you can see the footage if you go to whistling_british_schoolgirls.com. I know I did.

The builders didn’t mind the wolf-whistling, but the orangutan humming really freaked them out. / but were really creeped out by the ocelot yodelling. / when the school girls started doing the meerkat-stomp. / panda-trot. / badger-shuffle. / but were totally confused by the buffalo stance.

The builders were surprised at the wolf-whistling, but their jaws really dropped when the girls started beaver-whistling.

Poor builders. I know I hate it when hot young girls are whistling at me. Now that I have a child, those parts of my body should remain forever still.

The builders say they’d be even more traumatised if some of the schoolgirls gave them a little erotic dance.

No builders have complained of harassment yet. In fact they were kind of hoping to get something a bit more harassing than a whistle.

No builders have complained of harassment yet. In fact, many have complained that it’s not really harassment until they get a bit of titty.

No builders have complained of harassment yet, although one did describe the whistling girls as “like, sooo immature”. / “totally grody.”

No builders have complained of harassment yet, although several have said, “ooh stop it, you naughty schoolgirls”. / although one said the schoolgirls fully grossed him out, gag him with a spoon.

The builders have complained. Not about harassment, but about the danger the girls pose to their concentration. Someone’s going to get a nail in the head one of these days.

The builders have complained. Not about harassment, but the fact they’re all fugly skank chavs. / they’re all toffy slags. / they’re all slaggy bints.

The builders have complained. They say that the sight of a hot schoolgirl pursing her lips and blowing almost made them drop their tools. / lose their load.

Ah… the thought of seeing hot schoolgirls pursing their lips and blowing takes me back. To last night’s session on barely_legal.com.

Ah ha! So now it is the wolf who is being whistled at and the whistling is being done by… sheep… Lambs maybe? / foxy little minks.

What I don’t get in this scenario is who is the wolf? And since when were wolves able to whistle anyway?

The school should have known there’d be trouble when they decided to get their extension built by the Chippendales.

Fortunately the girls have stopped their whistling and objectification and the builders have been able to go back to doing it themselves. / doing it themselves in peace.

The girls have also been asked to take down the scaffolding that they’d erected to whistle from.

Of course, it may have just been a wolf-whistle in school-girl’s clothing.

The builders enjoy the company of the whistling schoolgirls so much, that they’ve been offered employment, The builders have suggested that they come on over and lube their tools for them. / hold their tools for them.

(blokey brit voice) “I’ve never felt so threatened. I felt like they could’ve raped me, y’know? And it felt so belittling to know that in the end, they wouldn’t.” / in the end, I wouldn’t even get a peck on the cheek.”

An email has been sent to West Kent College students warning them that whistling and making amorous comments about contractors working at the school were harassment. And the principal’s upset that he’s not getting any of it.

The principal warned the girls that objectifying the men like that constituted harassment. And besides, what was wrong with his pecs?

The principal warned the girls that objectifying the men like that constituted harassment, and what’s more, is exactly what they’re after. / what’s more, it gives them the horn. / a raging boner.

The principal warned the girls that whistling and shouting at the men constituted harassment, unless they go over and give them a quick handjob.

The whistling has been so persistent that the students have been threatened with disciplinary action. Let’s hope it’s a good spanking.

No builder has complained of harassment yet. But they were hoping they might be able to soon.

The girls have been asked to confine all harassment to their fellow students.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

Leave a Reply