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Good News Week

Aussies still sexist (Good News Week 28/7/08: What’s the Story)

A report has been released showing that Australian women are still subject to sexism and harassment, 25 years after such behaviour was outlawed. Sex Discrimination Commissioner Elizabeth Broderick will hand down the report just as soon as she’s done with the ironing.

Well, that’s what you get if you let a woman become Sex Discrimination Commissioner.

Although don’t take the report too seriously – she’s just on her rags.

A report has been released showing that Australian women are still subject to sexism and harassment, 25 years after such behaviour was outlawed. But come on, they’re asking for it when they dress like that. / they love it.

But the report only looks at how women are being treated unfairly. Talk about sexist.

25 years of equal opportunity has got rid of overt sexism in the workplace, just not the sexism deep within employers’ hearts.

Although overt gender discrimination has been outlawed for 25 years, our bosses are still the same wife-bashing fucktards they were three decades ago.

Although overt gender discrimination has been outlawed for 25 years, female employees are still expected to dress a certain way, accept lesser pay, and do the office ironing, there’s a good girl.

Although we’ve had sex discrimination laws for a quarter of a century, for some reason chicks aren’t being treated equally, the poor dears.

Attitudes remain that the ideal worker is someone who can work extended hours, has no caring responsibilities and is always available. In fact the best workers are child slaves. Of either gender!

The image of an “ideal worker” is someone who has no other obligations, can work indefinite extended hours, and loves to work so much they’ll do it for free. / and who brings their own coffee. / and who has three extra arms and an extra head. / and who runs on batteries. / and who has inbuilt broadband.

One important step in gender equality is promoting women in leadership roles. Oooh, hopefully they use the whip! / Ooh, I love it when the ladies are on top.

Women are still well underrepresented in upper management. But if God had meant women to be corporate executives, He would have given them dicks and too much testosterone.

Employers prefer their workers not to have families – instead they should hire required family units in between work commitments.

Employers prefer their workers not to have families – or as they like to call them, “consumer conglomerates”.

Apparently, the reason Australian workplaces lag 25 years behind the law on gender equality is because bosses are stuck in a time-warp. And Human Resources is overrun with Klingons. / And Accounts is run by androids. / And Human Resources is poised on the edge of a black hole. / And the board members are still doing the Mashed Potato.

Her report finds that, even though we’ve had sex discrimination laws for a quarter of a century, for some reason gender discrimination still seems rampant in the workplace. The results of her inquiry are being published in the latest issue of Ralph magazine. / Hustler magazine. / “Hot Political MILFs” magazine.

Half of the participants in an Adelaide workshop had experienced something that could be described as sexual harassment, and the other half were the men. / and the other half were the ones doing the harassing.

She says female employees are still being groped or dragged into an office for a shag. Especially in brothels.

One supermarket check-out girl was told to wear a see-through shirt. But it was a one-off incident – they’d run out of wet T-shirts.

One supermarket check-out girl was told to wear a see-through shirt. Which wouldn’t have been so bad except she was wearing her see-through bra.

But come on, if Aussies were sexist then girls wouldn’t be allowed to play footy.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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