Categories
Good News Week

Tibet T-shirt pack (Good News Week 4/8/08: What’s the Story)

Australian Olympians are being offered a special kit to help them protest against China’s involvement in Tibet. The pack includes a T-shirt bearing the slogan “I support human rights” in English and Mandarin, though it’s unfortunately not bullet proof.

The pack includes a T-shirt bearing the slogan “I support human rights” in English and Mandarin, although the Mandarin version adds the words “Just kidding, all praise the People’s Republic!”

The pack includes a T-shirt, badges, stickers, temporary tattoos, and a full self-immolation kit.

The pack includes a T-shirt which bears the slogan “I support human rights” and gives off a brilliant blue flame when set alight.

The pack includes a red T-shirt bearing the slogan “I support human rights”. It’s red to hide the blood-stains. / It’s red so that, when you’re beaten to a bloody pulp, you’ll still be colour-coordinated. / your ensemble will still look great.

The pack includes pro-Tibet tattoos, which are only temporary. You know, like Tibet.

The kit includes pro-Tibet temporary tattoos, which come right off with a good beating. / which wash right off with water torture. / which will wash right off when the last monk’s head is caved in. / which are quickly replaceable with Chinese ones when the cops arrive.

The pack includes a t-shirt that says “I Support Human Rights” in both English and Mandarin, plus badges, stickers, and temporary tattoos of the Tibetan flag. In response, the Chinese Government also has released a pack, containing a t-shirt that says “Mind Your Own Business”, plus badges, stickers, and temporary tattoos of your family being dragged off for interrogation.

Many athletes want to show their support for Tibet, at the same time not wanting to upset the Chinese authorities. Looks like they’re between a rock and a hard place – which is, coincidentally, where many imprisoned Tibetans are! Uncanny. / which is, coincidentally, one of the preferred tortures used on captured Tibetans! Freaky!

Because athletes stating “I oppose the Chinese occupation of Tibet” is way too complicated. / can so easily be misinterpreted. / is admittedly difficult to do while pole vaulting.

Aussie Olympians could wear the tattoos while competing, the badges at the medal ceremony, and the T-shirt at the post-ceremony interrogation.

The campaign co-ordinator refused to name athletes involved, because of the consequences they may face in China. He’s happy to give them the ammo to destroy their own lives, he just doesn’t want to get personally involved.

Aussie cyclist Cadel Evans has been wearing a “Free Tibet” T-shirt on the Tour de France, exposing it during lead-up races. But then he’s fairly unlikely to be beaten up by Chinese police on the Champs-Élysées.

Of course not all athletes are taking up the Tibet cause. Some want to return alive.

Of course it’s athletes protesting over there – if you want to criticise the Chinese Government in China, you’ve got to be able to run really fast.

Of course it’s athletes protesting over there – they’re the only ones who can run fast enough to get away, jump high enough to escape prison, or make a delightful enough shape with the long ribbon to distract the cops altogether.

And I’m sure the opinions of a few well-trained athletic Australians will make all the difference when the Chinese government decides whether to give away half their natural resources.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

Leave a Reply