Serbian chef Ljubomir Erovic has brought out a new multimedia cookbook entirely consisting of testicle recipes. At last – I’m so sick of eating them raw.
His balls are amazing. And his recipes aren’t bad either.
Testes are delicious! And self-saucing! / The best thing about cooking with testicles is they’re self-saucing.
His recipes are scrotally delicious.
They recipes are delicious, but unfortunately are difficult for men to cook without crossing their legs.
The cookbook’s author said “All testicles can be eaten – except human, of course.” Oh, yes, of course! Haha… what was I thinking?
Of course you have to remember not to eat the penis. That would be gross. / perverted.
Customers of his testicle restaurant love his cooking – and if they can’t finish it all, they can just take it home in a doggy scrotum. / in its own little takeaway scrote. / in its own biodegradable bag…
His new book is called “Cooking with Balls”. Hopefully it sells better than his previous book, “Cooking with Shit”. / “Frying Mucous in Bile”.
Let’s face it, there aren’t many other meals that baste themselves in their own ejaculations.
Eating testicles is widely considered to be an aphrodisiac, especially those of the guy you’re in bed with.
The e-book comes with video guides showing the chef peeling the skin off testicles and slicing them up into bite-size chunks. If the cooking caper ever falls through for him, I reckon there’s a job for him at Guantanamo.
“The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking with Balls” includes recipes for the nuts of stallions, ostriches, bulls, pigs and turkeys. Chickens aren’t included – everyone already knows what nuggets taste like.
Erovic says stallion testes are among the tastiest and most aphrodisiac. They’re also the best to brag about at the pub: “I ate a stallion’s balls for breakfast!”
Yep, a big plate of stallion balls always puts me in the mood for some lovin’.
The best testicles to eat for their aphrodisiac qualities are the testicles from the sheep or the stallion. Wow, just thinking about eating horseballs gets me horny.
They’re delicious, but I hate it when I get the scrotum stuck in my teeth…
They’re not only delicious, but you can use the scrotum to floss! / but you can floss with the pubes!
One of the few people who really mean it when they say “eat my balls”.
He really wants to cook some tiger testicles, but he hasn’t got the balls.
In his opinion, ostriches have some of the most delicious testicles in the world. No wonder they run so fast.
One of the few people who regularly asks people to put his balls in their mouths, and they do.
Of course, he doesn’t just cook testicles. He also cooks giblets, gristle, and anus. / He also cooks anus and flaps.
And you haven’t lived until you’ve tried his deep-fried pig testicles stuffed into a sheep’s anus! / stuffed into sheep rectum!
He says you can eat every kind of testicle, except human. They’re best if you whack them into a blender and drink them. / He prefers just to rub them all over his body. / He prefers to just pop them up his date. / But they’re perfect to use in cocktails instead of olives.
He cooks with the testicles of all sorts of creatures – anything that doesn’t get out of the way quick enough, really.
He cooks with the testicles of all sorts of creatures, but never uses the scrotum skin. That’d just be weird.
He says the most important part of cooking with balls is to make sure you first remove the pubes.
Nothing says “delicious” like an animal’s ballbag.
He got the idea for cooking with testicles after his girlfriend went a little bit too far with her rough fellatio one night…
If you slice them just right you can savour each individual sperm.
I recommend not bragging to Erovic that you’re hung like a horse… (stare wildly, lick lips)
Erovic has been cooking testicles for 20 years, and is almost ready to eat one. / and one day hopes to find someone prepared to eat them.
For testicle pie, the recipe states you should soak testes for at least half an hour so they’re soft enough to then grind in the mincer. And that’s just for foreplay.
He says the most important step in creating a tender testicle is to kick the animal really hard in the groin.
Ah, there’s nothing like a battered horse scrote served in warm sheep semen.
Of course, he’s not just a testicle chef. You should see what he can do with foreskin!
He can do the most amazing things with a couple of cloves of garlic and the eye of a penis! But for now, let’s just concentrate on his cooking.
He’s also thinking of branching out into fast food with a drive-thru restaurant called “SacDonalds.”
Erovic also organises the annual World Testicle Cooking Championship. He says over a tonne of testicles are prepared, but I reckon that’s a load of bollocks.
He got the idea for cooking with testicles after watching Nigella licking some cream off a couple of apricots.
The ball-cooking trend means the next series of The Naked Chef might not be for the squeamish.
