Categories
Good News Week

Wedding Cheeseburger (Good News Week 13/10/08: Strange But True)

When Tom and Kerry Watts got married in Norwich, they had their dream wedding cake – a 20 kilogram cheeseburger. And when they left the chapel, everyone threw fries. So beautiful.

It was a wedding with the lot.

And the champagne was watered-down and filled to the brim with ice.

An English couple had as their wedding cake a 20 kilo cheeseburger. Because having a Whopper would’ve been going overboard.

Unfortunately, after a few drinks, the bride and groom showed everyone their buns.

For the toast, everyone upsized their glasses.

The wedding burger made a spectacular entrance, only spoilt by there being a four minute wait on fries.

The wedding burger was spectacular, though it took them ages to fish out all the pickles. / And instead of cutting the cake, they just took off the top of the bun and fished out pickles to throw at the ceiling.

And there were tears of joy when one of the bridesmaids caught the pickles. / bouquet made of pickles.

And they had a chocolate fountain filled with mustard.

The best man was dressed as The Hamburglar. Well, it looked more formal than going as Ronald.

Guests had the choice to eat there, or takeaway.

The wedding was beautiful. Not only was the wedding cake actually a hamburger, but the champagne was actually strawberry thickshake, and the father-of-the-bride’s speech was actually read out by the Employee of the Month.

The cake was 100 times bigger than a Quarter-pounder. Lucky they didn’t upsize it…

The main problem was trying to fit the massive cake into the take-away bag at the drive-thru.

The wedding was a huge success. All the guests got their very own refresher-towelettes.

The oversized burgercake took ages to make, which was fine with the happy couple, but really pissed off everyone behind them at the drive-thru.

For the two fast food addicts, it was a dream wedding: 20 kilos of hamburger and no guests.

They decided not to go with a regular wedding cake as the bride had heard that cake was fattening.

It turned out to actually be the healthy option – let’s face it, there’s very little salad in cake.

To make up for it, they replaced the champagne with tomato juice.

Because what better way is there to celebrate your love than by mincing half a cow?

They had originally considered going for a Big Mac, but they didn’t want to be greedy. / they weren’t too keen on lettuce.

By having a burger in place of the cake, it meant they could have cake for main course!

“Do you take this man to be your husband, through thickshake and through thin, or would you prefer to upsize him for only one dollar more? Kiss here, or take away.”

For their honeymoon, they were going to take a holiday to KFC.

In a nice touch, guests painted “Just Married” on the ambulance. / threw confetti over the defibrillator.

And, just in case, they held the reception in the emergency room.

Their wedding night was said to be a wild sensual romp of sexual discovery, as they tried to find each others’ genitals beneath heaving sweaty rolls of fat.

They didn’t want any beetroot on their wedding cake – they were saving that til their wedding night.

The couple said it was the McHappiest day of their lives.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

Leave a Reply