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Schoolyard Henson (Good News Week 13/10/08: Don’t Quote Me)

Furore has erupted over the revelation that controversial photographer Bill Henson was allowed access to primary school grounds without parental permission. But apparently it had proven very difficult to track down his parents.

Because there’s nothing worse than young children being exposed to someone whose work is on the curriculum.

Kevin Rudd and Malcolm Turnbull both rushed to condemn Henson’s actions, saying selecting children on school grounds for public exposure was unacceptable for anyone but politicians.

The kids, however, were keen to be in Henson’s works – partly because it meant being immortalised in a famous Australian artist’s latest masterpieces, and partly because it was going to get them out of the multiplication test. / get them out of school.

Politicians are upset because when Henson uses children he normally gets international acclaim, whereas when politicians use children, it’s seen as a cheap and pathetic publicity stunt.

Kevin Rudd and Malcolm Turnbull both rushed to condemn Henson for using children for his own purposes – but at least Henson doesn’t kiss babies.

Of course, it was clearly wrong for Henson to be at the school, clearly wrong that one boy ended up modelling for him, and clearly wrong that the boy and his parents were totally fine with the whole process and don’t know what all the fuss is about. Wrong, I say!

Parents of kids at the St Kilda school seem unconcerned by the revelation. Lucky they’ve got politicians and shock jocks to look after their kids for them.

The exploitation of children is never acceptable, unless it’s on Video Hits. / at an Olympic Opening ceremony. / election time.

I can’t believe that he went to a school to look for children. Of all places.

It’s sick – sick and perverted – that he’s allowed to recruit children from schools for his photography. After all, the courts have already ruled that his photos are, and I quote, “mild and justified”! And I’m pretty sure that’s legal-speak for “sick and perverted”!

It’s only porn if it turns you on. Clearly our politicians are feeling some stirrings…

Henson’s photographs of naked children are clearly pornography. At least, they are the way John Brumby’s using them. / Rudd and Turnbull are using them.

Apparently consensual nakedness is bad. This is why all our politicians and shock-jocks shower fully clothed.

I can’t believe that this pornographic monster would not only seek both parental consent and consent from the children he uses in his vile photographs, but also be accompanied by a school principal when he walks through a school! Why, next he’ll be making works that investigate the ambiguity and transitional aspects of the universal rites of passage into adulthood! Disgusting.

The principal thought it was less threatening having him walk the school grounds accompanied by her than having him hanging around taking photos through the fence and offering lollypops.

Come on, if artists aren’t allowed to patrol school grounds for children, what hope is there for genuine paedophiles?

Parental consent. Official endorsement. Pah. What happened to the good old days of just pretending to be the school doctor? / dressing up as Santa Claus?

Oh no! Once they allow artists to visit schools, they might let in musicians!

I can’t believe they let one of Australia’s best known artists into their schools. Pah, next they’ll be letting in sporting heroes! / well-known authors!

Still, I’d rather have my children visited by a man who takes photographs of them for galleries than one who sends them to die in Iraq…

There’s nothing more repugnant, more morally offensive, than naked children. It’s much better to dress them up like little sluts. / Paris Hilton. / They really should be dressing up like their Bratz dolls. / They really should be modelling the latest skimpy fashions on the catwalk.

There’s nothing more repugnant, more morally offensive, than naked children. At least, not to tweenie fashion executives.

I can’t believe people are calling Henson a pornographer. I mean, Kermit the Frog didn’t even have genitals! / he made sure Miss Piggy always kept her clothes on!

Hey – no-one complained when he auditioned kids for Sesame Street! Oh, wrong Henson. Sorry…

But if anyone should be able to deal with public attention at a young age it should be Hanson. Oh, Henson. Sorry…

Henson ended up finding a boy who later modelled for him, with consent from the boy and his parents. A boy who should’ve been protected from predatory adults! And we have him on the show now… / There’s an exclusive interview with the preyed-on boy in the late news.

You’ve got to feel for Bill Hanson. All that negative publicity… he’ll just have to comfort himself with the millions of extra dollars he’ll get for taking photos.

Of course the people who will benefit most from the media beat-up are Henson and his biographer David Marr. Could this possibly be why Marr included the story in his book? Played the hysterical harpies like a violin… / When you’re an artist, there’s no such thing as bad publicity…

Of course the people who will benefit most from the media beat-up are Henson and his biographer David Marr. And the angry headlines will sell more copies of the Herald-Sun too – in fact, it’s a win for everybody!

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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