Road Rage Rises (Good News Week 20/10/08: monologue)

New research shows Australian drivers are showing all-time high levels of aggression, with acts of revenge increasingly popular. So everyone please, before you go out on the roads, remember to take out your aggression on a family member.

Australians are angry drivers. But, to put it into context, that’s only because we’re all pissed. / high on Ice.

Australians are angry drivers. But that’s mainly because we’re not allowed to get tanked beforehand any more.

Not only had nearly 60% of drivers used offensive gestures or yelled at other drivers, but nearly 80% said their other car was a Mercedes.

Nearly half of all drivers thought that gesturing and yelling was an appropriate way to deal with annoying drivers, while nearly 90% thought that drivers who gestured and yelled were annoying drivers.

Nearly half of all drivers thought that gesturing and yelling was an appropriate way to deal with annoying drivers, while only 6% thought that it was appropriate to beat their heads in with an iron bar.

While nearly half of all drivers thought that gesturing and yelling was an appropriate way to deal with annoying drivers, there was a small percentage who preferred to force them off the road, get out of the car, walk over to their window, and book ‘em. / who preferred to simply switch on their sirens and arrest them.

20 percent of drivers thought tailgating was an acceptable response to road rage, particularly rage caused by not quite being able to read the car in front’s bumper stickers.

It turned out that there were different reasons for tailgating. 60% of people tailgating were trying to overtake, 35% were doing it out of anger, and 5% were just trying to read a bumper sticker. / and 5% were just accidentally hooked on the towbar.

Not only had nearly 60% of drivers used offensive gestures or yelled at other drivers, but nearly 80% had refused to honk even though they were horny.

Not only had nearly 60% of drivers used offensive gestures or yelled at other drivers, but nearly 80% had used a “baby on board” sign without ever having an actual baby on board.

Research shows 68 percent of Australian drivers have been tailgated, with 20 percent admitting doing it. Tailgating has also increased among those who don’t drive, with one in five admitting to treading on the person in front’s heels.

I think tailgating should be encouraged as a remedy to road rage. Then if those of us in front can be brave enough to slam on the brakes, we’ll thin out the numbers of hot-headed pricks.

Road rage stats are way up. But what do you expect when you start arresting all the stoned drivers? / all the calm and peaceful drivers, just because they’re stoned off their tits?

Those road-raging drivers really PISS ME OFF.

All this road rage… it just makes me so MAD! Now where’s my car?

57 percent of people admitted gesturing rudely or yelling at another driver, with the remainder being content to just putt-putt along at some SPASTIC speed – you DICKHEADS! (fist gesture)

All this time I thought I was being tailgated because the driver behind me was stupid. But it turns out they were actually just angry! / dealing with deep-seated issues with their anger!

One in seven drivers said they had been forced off the road, admittedly most by cops.

One in seven drivers said they had been forced off the road, although that was mostly due to petrol prices.

One in ten drivers have had their cars wilfully damaged, although a lot of those were when the car in front slammed on the brakes while they were tailgating.

Still, at least people aren’t taking their rage out on the city streets, and are saving it for when they’re in charge of a steel missile travelling at dangerous speeds.

With the shift towards public transport, a lot of people are going to find their road rage building up. It’s hard to tailgate in a train.

Of course, with the rising costs of petrol, soon we’re going to have to take our road-rage out on people while we walk. “You think you own the footpath do ya buddy? Get those feet out of a Weeties packet, didja? Beep! I said, fuckin Beep!”

With those figures, Aussies must be world champs at road rage. Another gold for Australia!

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