Good Next Week (Good News Week 27/10/08: closing)

Tues, Oct. 28
Tomorrow, it’s Czech Republic Day. But just to save you the trouble, I have checked, and it is indeed republic day.

Tomorrow’s Czech Republic Day. At least, I think it is – I’ll have to Czech…

The Future City Transport summit will be held tomorrow. Wow, that is in the future!

Tomorrow sees the “Future City Transport Summit” in Sydney. They’ve decided it’s high time for hovercars. / personal jet-packs. / to build Ornithopters. / it’s time to get serious about hovershoes. / They’ll be working on how to make trains airborne. / They’ll be working on how to make trains look futuristic. / They’ll be working out the cheapest way to make trains look like spaceships.

Tomorrow sees the Future City Transport summit. I’m sure we all want the same thing here: Ho-ver-cars! Ho-ver-cars!

In Queensland, a review of organ donation procedures due: have a heart!

Tomorrow sees the Review of Organ Donation Procedures in Queensland. No more just ripping them out without permission! / From now on, they’ll all have to definitely dead first.

Tomorrow sees the Review of Organ Donation Procedures in Queensland. From now on, people won’t just be able to donate organs, but pianos and synthesisers too.

Tomorrow, the National Broadband Network Inquiry in Melbourne will get stuck halfway through, and have to be rebooted. / and will have to be unplugged and plugged in again.

Melbourne will host a hearing for the national broadband network inquiry. In fact our broadband’s in such poor shape I think it needs a hearing aid.

It’s 50 years since the first Ikea store opened, but they’ve still got a couple of little joining bits that they’re not sure where they were meant to go. Eh, seems to be holding together OK.

It’s 50 years since the first Ikea store opened tomorrow! And who says we don’t deal with the big issues on this show?

Canberra University celebrate their 40th anniversary tomorrow! It’ll be like “O Week” for academics. / Expect lots of drunken professors. / There’ll be lots of professors throwing up on their Proust tomorrow… / And you haven’t lived until you’ve seen drunken professors trying to teach advanced calculus!

Tomorrow, Matilda Rose Ledger turns 3! You’re Joking!

Tomorrow, Matilda Rose Ledger turns 3, but she’s been telling everyone she’s turning 4! What a little Joker.

Wed, Oct. 29
Wednesday is the National Day of Turkey. It’s nearly as good as Chicken Week! / It’s part of Poultry Month.

Wednesday is the National Day of Turkey. But I’m not sure in which country.

The National Forum on Safety in Health-care kicks off in Adelaide on Wednesday. And let me say, there’s no better place to conduct a forum into health-care safety than in the city of sex-murders.

Wednesday sees the world premiere of the new Bond film “Quantum Of Solace”, in which the secret agent goes undercover as a lonely physicist. Gripping. / Half a star.

And who’ll be in attendance for the premiere of the new Bond film? Harry. Prince Harry.

Wednesday sees the world premiere of the new Bond film “Quantum Of Solace” in London. Apparently, even the Royal Princes William & Harry will be there – trying to work out what the title means, like everyone else.

Wednesday sees the world premiere of the new Bond film “Quantum Of Solace” in London. The Royal Princes William & Harry will be there in a private booth – which is perfect to keep the press away from them, and for Harry to do bucket bongs in the talking bits.

On Wednesday, Snoop Dogg starts his Australian Tour, either in Brisbane or in customs. / with a thorough frisking in Brisbane customs. / with a cavity search.

On Wednesday, Snoop Dogg starts his Australian tour in Brisbane. It’ll have awesome sound, a world-class light show, and a smoke machine – and that’s just backstage. / and a smoke machine – more commonly known as a “bong”.

On Wednesday, Snoop Dogg starts his Australian tour in Brisbane. He’s guaranteeing a world-class smoke machine – it’s a bong the size of a watertower.

On Wednesday, Snoop Dogg tours Brisbane. The government were hesitant about letting him into the country, then thought “fuck it, it’s only Queensland”.

On Wednesday, Eddie McGuire turns 44. His birthday cake says “you’re still the one” – and the candles are shaped like bones.

On Wednesday, Eddie McGuire turns 44. Poor man – he already knows his birthday wish won’t come true.

Thurs, Oct. 30
Thursday sees the Carbon Market expo on the Gold Coast. It’s the place to go if you want to pick up a few cheap second-hand breaths. / Ah, nothing like a good old fashioned carbon market. They’ll have some great deals on boron and bismuth too!

Thursday sees the Carbon Market expo on the Gold Coast. They’ve got some great deals on some carbon that fell off the back of a truck…

On Thursday, it’ll be the Natural Therapies & Natural Health expo in Melbourne. At least, that’s what my astrologer said. / It said so in the stars… / At least, that’s what my last Tarot reading predicted…

On Thursday, it’ll be the Renewable Energies forum in Perth. Exhausting. / Apparently, it’s all about sports drinks.

It’s 70 years since Orson Welles’ famous “War Of The Worlds” broadcast – do you think it’s safe to come out yet?

Fri, Oct. 31
On Friday, it’s National Bandanna Day. And there’s nothing like a delicious yellow bunch of bandannas. Mmm-mmm.

On Friday, it’s National Bandanna Day. I was going to wear one made out of fruit in tribute to my favourite musicians, but I wasn’t allowed – my band banana bandanna was banned.

On Friday, it’s National Bandanna Day. There’ll be all the bandannas you could dream of: the Madonna Bandanna, the Eric Bana Bandanna, the Wannabe Hannah Montana Bandanna, and even the combination Obama Osama Dalai Lama Bananarama “Canna Hand a Man a Grander Spanner” Bandanna.

On Friday, the Review of Australian Higher Education will be due. Unfortunately, it will be late – apparently a dog ate it.

On Friday, the Review of Australian Higher Education will be due. According to the report, school sux. / school is “relly shit and coz you cant read or nuffink and is so gay”.

On Friday, the Inquiry Into Nanotechnology in NSW will report, but no-one will be able to see it. Coz it’s so teensy, you see. / but their report will be so small, no-one can actually see it.

On Friday, it’s the 2008 Brazilian Formula 1 Grand Prix. And there’s nothin’ like grand prix with brazilians. Er, so I’m told. / And there’s nothing like a brazilian to make your prix seem grander.

The University of Canberra’s Stonefest celebrates 40 years of their foundation stone. I can’t wait to see what it gets up to this year! / And this year it’s bound to do something – it’s due!

Sat, Nov. 01
Saturday sees the Day Of The Dead festival in Mexico. It’s a very quiet affair… / Woo! Go the dead! / It’s about time the dead got their own festival.

Saturday is Mexico’s Day Of The Dead. RUN!

Saturday sees the Red Bull Air Race in Perth. Looks like Aussie’s’ll race anything. / First time I’ve heard of anyone racing bull air. / racing air.

And on Saturday, Michael Parkinson, Ted Turner & Eminem will release their autobiographies. Look forward to sordid tales of gangstas, ho’s and homicide – and that’s just Parkie!

Eminem will release his autobiography, although it’s not as good as the film.
It’s 10 years since the Pokemon craze hit Australia! And still no-one knows what the hell it’s supposed to be.

Sun, Nov. 02

Sunday sees the “Fat As Butter” music festival in Newcastle, followed by the “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Fat As Butter” music festival, the “Low Salt Low GI Spreadable” music festival, and the “Dry Stale Toast” music festival. Although that last one doesn’t actually have any music. That’d be unhealthy.

Mon, Nov. 03
Next Monday, the Screen Music Awards will take place in Sydney. And the week after, the Screen Saver Awards will take place on-line.

On Monday, China’s rich list is announced. You’ve changed, China, you’ve changed. / Chairman Mao’s still number one. / What happened to the days when it was obviously just the heads of the Communist Party? / Competition is fierce to be in the top hundred million.

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