Imam Chucky (Good News Week 27/10/08: Strange But True)

British parents are disturbed by a children’s doll that appears to say “Islam is the light” and “Satan is King”. Hang on, is it meant to be Muslim or Satanic? Clearly this doll is religiously conflicted. / still spiritually immature.

Parents are disturbed by a children’s doll that appears to say “Islam is the light” and “Satan is King”. They don’t mind one of the messages, but that Islam one is just off.

The “Little Mommy Cuddle n Coo” doll has been interpreted by many concerned American parents as saying “Islam is the Light”. It’s meant to say “Islamic pigdogs burn in hell”. / “Kill ‘em all, let God sort ‘em out”. / “Die for oil”. / “I am American, I am right”. / “God hates fags”. / “Screw you, sand nigger”.

They wouldn’t have noticed it except that the doll kept turning to face Mecca.

Fisher Price says the only actual scripted word the doll says is “mama”. If it’s saying anything about Islam or Satan, it’s clearly come to those beliefs independently. / it’s clearly the Word of God.

Fisher price said that the idea that one of their workers has imprinted the doll with a satanic message is ridiculous. It’s clearly been possessed by evil spirits. / clearly just a case of demonic possession.

The “Islam is the light” message wouldn’t normally have offended, but the parents happened to be devout Satanists.

It’s possible the message “Islam is the light” was recorded by a Muslim worker keen to spread his message. Or by someone who really liked pissing off Christian parents.

American parents are now relieved: it turns out the doll doesn’t say “Islam is the light” at all. It says “kill yourself for Satan”.

Unfortunately for the dolls, they’re now suffering the same fate as people who say “Islam is the light”: being destroyed by self-righteous Americans.

American parents say any doll that says “Islam is the light” should be destroyed. Just like a person would be. / Why treat a doll better than a person?

These American parents need to calm down. It’s okay for a doll to preach Islam – and you know what? There are even people who preach Islam!

To balance the Islamic doll, Mattel have now brought out a series of Buddhists, Hindus, Christians, New Age Crystal worshippers, and even one little doll that says “Hail Satan!”

God forbid that American parents hear something that might challenge their own bigoted beliefs, coming from the mouth of an inanimate object!

Already there’s been serious consequences. Several children, after imitating the doll, have now had to be destroyed by their anxious parents. / Several parents, after hearing their kiddies imitating the doll, have had their children destroyed. “It was the only humane thing to do.”

Looks like, after the “Patriot Act”, not even dolls have freedom of speech any more…

Those damn Muslims! Infiltrating Fisher Price, implanting pro-Islamic messages into innocent dolls! Along with pro-Satanic messages! And making them nearly unintelligible! Will they stop at nothing?

Parents said kids would be allowed to keep the dolls, so long as they keep them in a closed-up box and only bring them out for the dog to play with. / and only brought them out to push their head in the bath.

And if you pull the cord on its back, it explodes! / it detonates!

Parents were somewhat concerned by the doll’s apparent praising of Islam, but moreso by the spare outfit with strap-on explosives.

Earlier this year a Florida mum found a Tickle-me-Elmo doll that seemed to say “Kill James” (her son). Someone over there at Fisher Price really likes screwing with parents.

Even if it is in there, “Islam is the light” seems pretty innocuous. I’d be more worried about the Osama plush. / Though I’d be more worried if your kid wanted an Osama action toy. / wanted a “G. I. Hussein”. / wanted a “Jihad Joe”.

Rather than recall the dolls, the company is just fitting each of the dolls with a little beard. / little beard and renaming them “Little Sheik Cuddle and Coo”.

Fisher Price says that the words are just gibberish, and if parents are concerned they should just return the doll and exchange it for a Face-Mecca-Elmo. / Terrorise-Me-Elmo. / Bomb-Me-Elmo. / Tickle-Me-Mohammad. / Bomb-Iraq-Elmo / Invade-Iraq-Elmo. / Blood-For-Oil-Elmo.

Fisher Price says that the words are just gibberish. No-one would really say “Islam is the light”!

This toy is completely inappropriate! Demand a refund, and buy a Tonka Military Hummer instead! / a Bratz doll instead!

If parents don’t like the “Little Mommy Cuddle And Coo”, they are encouraged to return the doll to the place of purchase, and exchange it for a “Little Army Combat and Kill”. / “Little Army Counterattack and Coup”. / “Little Mommy Hates Them Niggers”.

But what’s the big deal? Would there be all this hoohah if the doll said “Praise Jesus”? Ah, no, that would be a holy relic that would go for a fortune on eBay.

Actually, I’ve got a doll that says “Fisher Price owes me a million bucks”. Well, I can hear it!

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