Hummusless (Good News Week 27/10/08: Warren)

A Lebanese trade union is planning to sue Israel for claiming Arab cuisine as their own. They say Jews stealing other people’s foods and culture is just not kosher.

Well if the Arabs don’t want the Jews to take their food, they shouldn’t have made it kosher.

Looks like the next war in the Middle East will be a food fight.

Great, as if there wasn’t enough difficulty striking a Middle East peace deal.

It turns out that, when the Jews were fleeing through ancient Egypt, they only survived because of they happened to run into a late-night kebab stand.

Israel is saying the peace process will be stalled until Hamas is no longer in power, Jerusalem is kept Jewish, and they get at least two dozen felafels.

The Middle East “road map to peace” will now be required to include a stop-off at the “roadside diner to peace”.

The suit claims that Israel is claiming foods such as felafel, tabouli and hummus as Jewish foods. But that’s ridiculous. If Israel wanted to claim anything Lebanese, they’d simply fire missiles at it!

Turns out the 2006 Israeli attacks on Lebanon were just trying to get some take-away. / was just an experimental new hummus recipe.

They’re hoping that if they win they might be able to claim some kosher stuff, especially that yummy matzo ball soup.

The President of the Lebanese Industrialists is citing the “feta cheese precedent”, when Greece proved they invented Feta cheese. Although, he’s claiming that that was after a lot of impatient prompting from the Lebanese.

But Israel aren’t claiming they invented hummus and tabouli – they’re just saying theirs is better. / kosher.

Israel says the whole thing’s nonsense. Not only did they invent hummus and falafel, but Lebanese bread too.

And let’s not get started on Palestinian Meatloaf.

Maybe we can come to some agreement. F’rinstance, if the Jews give the Arabs their food back, maybe the Palestinians will drop that whole “homeland” thing.

Israel issued a statement saying the Lebanese union leader was a shlemiel, a shmuck, a shmendrik messhuggah no-goodnick nebbish goy with latke for brains, ai-yi-yi, already!

A spokesman for Israel said “How dare anyone suggest that Israel would steal something from one of their Arab neighbours! At least, not recipes anyway.” / Land, yes, but recipes – NEVER!”

Dammit, this guy’s proud his country was the first to think of mashing chickpeas!

Some countries find pride in ancient battles won, or in creating empires that once spanned half the globe. Lebanon just wants recognition for mashing up chickpeas and mixing them with garlic – is that too much to ask?

And the Star of David – everyone knows that was originally the Star of Habib!

Not only that, but everyone knows the Lebanese wrote the Old Testament!

Hey, they got given the holy land, surely that came with recipes included.

Israel has stated that they make no claim on Lebanese food, and have no interest in doing so until they’ve annexed Lebanon.

The Lebanese may have difficulty proving their case, as Syrians and Egyptians also lay claim to hummus and tabouli. You can see why the Middle-East is such a hotbed of violence. / If this debate spreads, it’ll make the current Middle East look peaceful.

Israel said that they had every right to market hummus and felafel, because they had the nukes.

I ask you, are those Lebanese looking for another bombing or what?

No wonder al Qaeda finds it easy to get recruits. People love hummus!

It was all a terrible misunderstanding. Israel had said they wanted to take over HAMAS.

The Lebanese union leader thought he heard an Israeli leader say they were taking over hummus and tabouli. In fact he said Hamas and Tripoli.

But the Arabs don’t need Hamas and hummus, do they? That’s just greedy.

I wanna know – who owns fried eggs? Just interested. / Because now I’m worried that my breakfast might’ve infringed on someone’s intellectual property…

Fortunately traditional Aussie food is protected. I can’t see Israel taking over bacon & eggs and barbequed snags.

Israel released a statement saying that hummus and felafel was Jewish; what, was he saying the Holocaust never happened? / was Jewish, you Holocaust-denying anti-semite.

Lebanon should just keep quiet about it. You know what happened when Palestine started asking too many questions about the baba ganoush…

Lebanon should just keep quiet about it. You know what happened when Jesus started claiming he invented the blintz…

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