Tues, Nov. 04
And tomorrow is the Melbourne Cup. I don’t know what the fuss is all about, really – if I wanted to see buck-toothed fillies run around in circles trying to be the best, I could go walk down Oxford St.
Tomorrow, the race that stops the nation might be overshadowed by the race that stops the entire world.
Of course, tomorrow’s the Melbourne Cup, Australia’s most famous midget race.
Of course, tomorrow’s the U.S. presidential elections – I’m backing McCain. Well, I got him in the sweep.
The good news about tomorrow’s Presidential election is that whoever wins, it won’t be Dubya.
Tomorrow’s the US Presidential election. I just really hope that Dubya doesn’t win this one.
In Rome, the Vatican & Islam will meet for “Common Word” dialogue, and decide that the common word is “hatred”. / “deluded”. / “prejudice”. / “you’re wrong”.
The 2008 Desert Knowledge Symposium & Business Showcase will showcase all the big recent innovations in the use of sand. Admittedly, not many.
Wed, Nov. 05
Wednesday is Guy Fawkes Night – should be a cracker, if that wasn’t banned. / should be a cracker.
Wednesday sees the 2008 World Cyber Games in Cologne – and, by a weird twist of fate, the 2008 World Perfume Games in Siberia. Weird huh? Really very unlikely indeed.
The 2008 World Cyber Games will be held in Cologne or a reasonable digital facsimile.
Wednesday sees Ladies’ Day as part of the Melbourne Cup Carnival. I actually really like Ladies’ Day – better than the fuckin’ horses, that’s for sure.
The Melbourne Spring Racing Carnival’s Ladies’ Day will go horribly wrong when the ladies object to being saddled and whipped. Well, the real ladies do.
The Melbourne Spring Racing Carnival’s Ladies’ Day will feature Fashions on the Field and Botox in the Foot.
The Melbourne Spring Racing Carnival’s Ladies’ Day will result in a number of horses getting their hooves botoxed.
The Melbourne Spring Racing Carnival’s Ladies’ Day will see a lot of feet filled with botox, and just a few with transplanted eyebrows.
In Sydney, the National Corruption Investigations seminar should be a nice little earner for someone.
Hobart hosts the National Incontinence conference. You have to go. / I’m busting to go.
Wednesday’s “National Incontinence conference” in Hobart will be advertised with a picture of a map of Tassie, surrounded by water.
Wednesday’s “National Incontinence conference” in Hobart will turn out to be a prank – someone was just taking the piss.
CSR announces their half-year results – sweet.
CSR announces their half-year results – do you want them with one lump or two?
Thurs, Nov. 06
On Thursday, the 500 largest private American companies will be announced. I wonder how many will be around in 12 months time?
On Thursday, the 500 largest private American companies will be announced. Ooh, it’s gunna be great watching them crumble and die. / fold like house of cards.
On Thursday, the 500 largest private American companies will be announced, if you want to know where not to invest your money.
Fri, Nov. 07
2 years since Britney got divorced, and she’s in no mood to Do It Again.
Sat, Nov. 08
Saturday’s New Zealand election looks like it’ll spell the end for Prime Minister Helen Clark. Still, on the positive side, maybe she’ll have time to get those teeth looked at.
John Edward will tour Sydney – that’s right, he’s crossing over to the other side! / Saturday sees the beginning of the John Edward tour in Sydney – or as he calls it, “the other side”.
And on Saturday we’ll see the beginning of the John Edward tour in Sydney. At least, that’s what my spirit guide says…
Saturday sees the Def Leppard tour in Brisbane! And for the young folks at home, it’s a band, not a predatory cat that’s hard of hearing.
The Victorian government will respond to a report into government accountability next Saturday, when no-one’s paying attention. / while Parliament’s closed.
Next Saturday, the Victorian government will issue a statement saying, “What report into government accountability?”
Sun, Nov. 09
The winner of Sunday’s Miss Earth International will go onto Miss Earth Interplanetary, just to find they’re the only contestant.
The winner of Sunday’s Miss Earth International will go onto Miss Earth Intergalactic, where she’ll not only be beaten by Miss Gnorbis Intergalactic in the swimsuit section, but eaten alive by Miss Zurgnurhgl at the final judging.
Sunday is the final of Miss Earth. And let’s hope any alien spectators do miss Earth.
Sunday sees Hi-5 tour Canberra – Malcolm Turnbull likes Charlie the best.
Mon, Nov. 10
Next Monday, Adelaide hosts the Australian Road Safety Research conference. I’m thinking of crashing…
