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Sexed-up science (Good News Week 3/11/08: Giving Headline)

A recent review of the nation’s curriculum has found that students find science “uninteresting, boring, and irrelevant”. Just like English, history, geography, home economics and maths. / Just like English, history, geography, music and home ec.

A recent review of the nation’s curriculum has found that students find science “uninteresting, boring, and irrelevant”. Just like their parents.

A recent review of the nation’s curriculum has found that students find science “uninteresting, boring, and irrelevant”. Unfortunately, the only things they didn’t find “uninteresting, boring, and irrelevant” were Facebook and Super Mario Brothers 3.

A recent review of the nation’s curriculum has found that students find science “uninteresting, boring, and irrelevant”. Because it’s not on TV.

A recent review of the nation’s curriculum has found that students find science “uninteresting, boring, and irrelevant”. But these are teenagers – I challenge you to find something they don’t think is uninteresting, boring and irrelevant.

Well, science is irrelevant, unless you want to conduct experiments, count or live.

Not only did they think the subject was “uninteresting, boring, and irrelevant”, but they were just like totally whatever. / just like totally “duh”.

A government review recommends science classes teach cloning, hybrid cars and global warming in an attempt to make science more interesting. Gee, thank goodness we have global warming or there’s no way we’d get kids to pay attention!

A government review recommends that teachers should teach students about cloning, hybrid cars and global warming at school. Rather than all that “reading” and “writing” crap.

It’s a great idea to get kids into science by teaching them about global warming in high school. Unfortunately, by the time they’re scientists, we’ll be under the ocean. / it’ll be more useful to teach them about how to best defend your cave from gangs of marauding water thieves.

Of course, the only real way to get kids into science is to tell them they might come up with a cure for acne.

The only real way to get kids into science is to teach them on YouTube.

Many kids used to get into science because, in Biology, you got to look at ladies’ naked bits. But these days, we have the Internet.

The cloning subject is really going to take off when it comes to prac. Finally someone to do your homework for you!

Of course it’s important to study global warming in science class. And they’ll work out the prac as soon as they can find some other globe to warm. / And the prac is extra fun – you just keep farting until an ice cap melts.

Science class? Boring? Well, I’m sorry, that’s just unheard of!

Science class? Boring? They clearly haven’t got up to the kinetic theory of gases! I tells ya, once you discover the macroscopic properties of gases by considering their molecular composition and motion, the world is a treasure trove of wonder!

To get them into science, they’re thinking of teaching kids about cloning. That’s sure to prevent future scientists from creating a clone army of supermutants…

Unfortunately, maths problems become a lot more difficult if they involve cloning. / Unfortunately, cloning can really stuff up maths.

If only we’d learnt about cloning when I was at school, I’d have conquered this stupid planet by now.

Back in my school days, I actually cloned myself. Although tragically the lab exploded and all the students were killed…

Look, I don’t mind if they teach kids about cloning. Just so long as it isn’t evil cloning.

Although, they’ve got it all wrong. People don’t get into science because it’s “cool” – they get into science because they’re nerds. And this is the way it should stay – I think we’d all rather entrust our future to Potsie than the Fonz.

Science shouldn’t be “cool”. I don’t want our scientists of the future to give up working on a cure for cancer because they’d rather go drink cocktails and hang out backstage with the latest pop sensation. I want my scientists nerdy, with a memory like a steel vice and no social life. THAT’S WHAT MAKES SCIENCE WORK!

Actually, if they want the smartest students to become scientists, they should start teaching science class in Klingon.

The report’s lead author said students are losing interest in science because it doesn’t seem exciting. And they keep giving him wedgies.

Turns out science is still not cool. And if inventing the web didn’t make it cool, well there’s no hope for it really, is there.

Julia Gillard denied that the inclusion of hybrid cars and global warming was pushing a leftist agenda. Although they were hoping the cloning prac would bring back Chairman Mao.

People have accused the government of pushing a leftist agenda by including hybrid cars and global warming on the school curriculum. After all, everyone knows Lenin drove a Prius! / Come on, face it – polar bears are all communists! / We all know that the oil crisis is just an illusion – petrol’s really the same price it always was!

Want to make science sexy? Two words: Kelly LeBrock.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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