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Good News Week

Foot-tox (Good News Week 3/11/08: What’s the Story?)

Fashionistas with an addiction to high heels are now getting botox injections in their feet. It’s nearly a thousand dollars for the treatment, but it’s cheaper than getting a double foot transplant.

Fashionistas with an addiction to high heels are getting botox injections in their feet. Injecting your foot with botox eliminates the need for heels, as your feet just naturally float six inches off the ground.

The “foot filler” injection plumps up the ball of the feet, where regular high heel wearing can cause pain. Though unfortunately after the injection you can’t fit into your shoes.

Or, of course, you could just take off your shoes.

So lucky you can inject botulism into your feet or you might have to wear sensible shoes.

Hmmm – injecting myself with botulism toxins, sensible shoes… injecting myself with botulism toxins, sensible shoes… I think I’ll go for the toxins!

Wow. Someone who’s that desperate to cling to their high heels clearly hasn’t got much else going for them.

So, rather than wear comfortable shoes, they’re getting botox in their feet. Because, you know, feeling good is so last season.

After all, why stop doing something that causes you pain and permanent damage, when you can inject yourself with botulism toxins?

Botox is excellent as a substitute for a facelift, so it stands to reason that if you inject it in your feet you can lift your whole body.

To me, there’s only one thing hotter than some ugly chick limping around on stupid looking shoes, and that’s some ugly chick limping around on stupid looking shoes with her feet filled with botulism toxins.

They’re not doing it to look attractive. They just love the feel of botulism between their toes.

Of course, a preferable, and more permanent, way to deal with these poor dears and their sore feet is to just kill them.

The clinic has seen a steady stream of 40-year-olds wanting the injections. Because, when you’re in your forties, your feet’s pretty much all you’ve got to offer. / By then, all your other assets are wrinkled and droopy.

The pain of high heels can be solved by a botox injection. One jab straight into the frontal lobe and you’ll never feel pain again! Works for Posh. / Paris Hilton.

No wonder women wear high heels. If they wore all-over platforms, they wouldn’t know where to inject.

Apparently human beings aren’t designed to walk downhill for 20 years and stay comfortable.

It’s like a facelift for foot-fetishists.

Unfortunately after plumping up the balls of your feet with botox, when you step out of your heels you tend to faceplant.

The best part is, you can never wear normal shoes again!

But this is going to mean heels are going to get higher and higher! Or you’re going to be able to get heels for your heels.

Hell, why not inject botox all over your body? You could be the sexiest, smoothest blob on Earth!

With enough botox in your feet, botox in your face, some hair extensions, a facelift, a nip and tuck, a breast implant and some anal bleaching, you might just look all right. / you could be pretty hot. / you might scrub up all right. / you might finally be able to attract someone who’ll love you for who you really are. / you might be able to pick up. / you might just look normal. / you might just be able to fit in.

Botox is so lucky. It can wear heels all day every day and never get sore.

Fashionistas with an addiction to high heels are now getting botox injections in their feet. And fashionistas who really love codpieces are getting injections in their cods.

I totally understand. To look fashionable, I repeatedly stab myself in the eye with a sewing needle. And to stop it hurting, I inject a disease into my head, which paralyses and numbs half my face. Problem solved!

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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