Ipswich City Council are installing portable security cameras with built-in loudspeakers to warn troublemakers. Because a talking camera is a far better deterrent than a real live policeman.
Ipswich City Council are installing portable security cameras with built-in loudspeakers to warn troublemakers. Well. They’re not going to get vandalised, are they.
Ipswich City Council are installing portable security cameras with built-in loudspeakers to warn troublemakers. Because nothing deters vandals better than a good telling off. / prevents violence more than a good telling off. Especially at a distance!
Well, if a stern telling off doesn’t reform them, nothing will!
It’s great that they’ve finally worked out an expensive and ineffectual way of fighting minor crime!
Loudspeakers? Really? What will they think of next?
Although with only three cameras for the whole city, it means that round the corner ought to be just fine for mischief.
Ipswich City Council is installing cutting-edge walking, talking cameras. And the more advanced models come with a heat ray. UUU-LAAAA! / EXTERMINATE!
Ipswich Mayor Paul Pisasale said if operators spotted kids acting suspicious, they can warn them, “Son, I wouldn’t do that.” Although, being a camera, it’s actually incapable of doing that. / And nothing keeps kids on the straight and narrow better than a condescending camera.
After their favourite TV show was axed, Ipswich decided to turn their entire town into a real-life version of the Big Brother house – they’re attaching speakers to security cameras. The speakers will be used for warning people about potential dangers, preventing crime, and telling the community who’s up for nomination. / who’s up for eviction this week.
The speakers will be used for warning people about potential dangers, preventing crime, and for communicating with Gretel Killeen. / Kyle and Jackie O. / being able to hear Big Brother.
The mayor denies that the cameras are a form of Big Brother, and said that anyone who thought that had to immediately report to the diary room.
Well, Queensland had heaps of cameras and speakers left over when they cancelled Big Brother.
The council says that the speakers will only be used “if operators see some kids hanging around and think that they might be up to no good”. Which is nice – normally Queensland police would just beat the shit out of them.
The council says that the speakers will only be used “if operators see some kids hanging around and think that they might be up to no good”. Jeez – for a crime like that, I’m surprised they don’t just shoot the little buggers! / One thing’s for sure – right now, no-one wants to be a kid in Ipswich.
Because nothing makes me feel safer than knowing I’m under constant scrutiny. / than knowing that at any time a voice could come out of nowhere and tell me what I’m doing wrong. / reprimand me. / tell me to stop and move away.
At least the citizens of Ipswich can rest assured that somewhere there’s a big guy in a private booth watching everything they do… and occasionally whispering “that’s the way baby”.
There’s nothing creepier than walking through Ipswich and hearing some guy whispering “that’s the way baby”. / “I like what you’re wearing…”. / “ooh, just keep doing what you’re doing”.
Police are thrilled with the new camera and speaker set-up, as it means they don’t have to shift their fat arse. / as it means they can sit on their lard-arse barking orders all day.
But by far the most common expression heard over the speakers is “Boo!” / “Hello, this is God.”
Authorities feel that people misbehaving will obey instructions heard over the speakers, particularly if they say they’re God.
It’s great for catching criminals. If the camera talks to someone and they freak out, you know they’ve been doing something illegal.
And if you don’t do what the camera says, they’ll… um… film you some more! Ha!
They’re now moving on to designing some sort of talking camera to fight serious crime.
Opponents have said that it doesn’t actually help prevent serious crimes like burglary and murder, but the Ipswich council say not to worry – they’re currently working on some kind of talking camera for those too.
Unfortunately, it does create new crime – taking over the security console and telling passers-by to “show us your tits”.
The camera/speaker system is now being trialled by Ipswich City Council. They’re sure they can get a winning entry for Funniest Home Videos.
The new portable camera speaker systems offer a good way to warn offenders, and give them ten seconds to comply before blasting them.
