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Good News Week

Root for the Dole (Good News Week 17/11/08: Spot the Bull)

Desperate jobseekers are calling up recruitment officers to say hello, have coffee, or even take them out to expensive lunches. Anything to fill in the day.

Desperate jobseekers are calling up recruitment officers to say hello, have coffee, or even take them out to expensive lunches. That way they’ve got something to put in their dole diary.

Desperate jobseekers are calling up recruitment officers to say hello, have coffee, or even take them out to expensive lunches. Well, it’s actually the drive-thru at Maccas – but they do let them upsize! / Of course, to most jobseekers an expensive lunch is the upsized combo meal deal at Hungry Jack’s – but they’re willing to share the chips.

Perhaps rather than taking recruitment workers out to lunch they could just do their job for them. After all, they’ve got the time on their hands.

Perhaps rather than taking recruitment workers out to lunch, jobseekers could actually look for a job.

It’s costs so much to get ahead in the job market these days, you actually make more income remaining unemployed.

And the recruitment workers are always happy to let jobseekers have a job. They can choose the “hand-” or “blow-” options.

Forget taking out the recruitment officers! Just cut out the middle man and wine and dine the CEO.

Jobseekers are desperate for any jobs they can get, but are especially looking to break into recruitment. The perks are awesome. / They’ve got some lunches to make back.

It turns out that if you’re a recruitment officer, there is such a thing as a free lunch. Although you do have to spend it with a desperate jobseeker.

Some recruitment officers are happy to accept a lunch at a swish restaurant, so long as the jobseeker doesn’t come along.

The technique works well, as recruitment officers can recommend the prospective employee as a suck-up who’ll do anything to keep their job. And what employer wouldn’t love that.

And if you don’t land the job, you can’t even claim the lunch as a tax deduction.

And there’s been a massive increase in jobseekers signing up for “root for the dole”.

If jobseekers are able to afford to shout meals in expensive restaurants, clearly the dole’s gone up since my day. We had to live on 2 minute noodles and cask wine. / and grams of shitty leaf.

At least someone can afford to eat in expensive restaurants these days.

Not only are they offering to take their job-providers out for lunch, but when they hand in their dole diary, it’s with a happy finish.

Yeah, so the people who are out of work are offering to buy the people who are in work expensive lunches. Gotta love the capitalist system… / Ah, there’s nothing like a looming depression to send us into Bizarro World.

Jobseekers are getting so desperate that they’re offering to buy recruitment staff lunch at the finest restaurants. Well, the finest soup kitchens, anyway. / the finest meals the dole can buy!

Jobseekers are getting so desperate that they’re offering to buy recruitment staff lunch at the finest restaurants. Well, okay, not “buy” so much as “go rummaging through the skip out the back”. But those places chuck out some pretty top-notch cuisine!

Jobseekers are taking recruitment officers to some pretty fancy restaurants, such as the salubrious “McCafe”.

Jobseekers are offering recruitment officers coffee, lunches, and on rare occasions, even the bong.

Jobseekers are offering recruitment officers coffee, lunches, and cost price on ounces of the really good shit. / and really good deals on hydro.

Jobseekers are now making more small-talk with their recruitment staff, asking “how was your weekend” rather than just telling them to get off their fucking arses and get them a job.

Jobseekers are calling recruitment officers up for coffee, lunch, or just a chat. Especially the hot ones. / They’re so very very lonely. / It’s just like having a stalker, but unemployed! / And who wouldn’t want an unemployed stalker?

When I was last unemployed, the only thing I could afford to shout was at Jerry Springer.

Jobseekers are hoping that if they buy their recruitment officers lunch, they’ll land a job straight away. So they can pay for the lunch.

Jobseekers are even offering to buy their recruitment officers lunch. One day. When they’ve got a job. / At some point in the future, when they’re not having to live on 2 minute noodles.

Jobseekers are even offering to take their recruitment officers out to lunch. And do a runner before the bill arrives.

The smarter jobseeker offers to pay for lunch, but only once their first pay cheque has cleared.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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