Did someone say “union”? (Good News Week 17/11/08: What’s the Story)

The Government plans to introduce a compulsory amenities and services fee of up to $250 for Uni students, but says it isn’t a reintroduction of compulsory student unionism. It’s more like compulsory student taxation. / robbery.

If the ALP want the Opposition to support it, they should call it “Student Tax”. If there’s one group the Coalition would want to raise taxes on, it’s those lefty student scumbags.

The ALP insist that it’s not a reintroduction of compulsory student unionism. It’s much more like mandatory student unionism. / obligatory student unionism. / enforced student unionism. / involuntary student unionism.

It’s not a reintroduction of compulsory student unionism, it’s just a way of making sure students are properly impoverished.

The Government plan allows unis to collect a compulsory student amenities fee of up to $250. It’s either that or allow universities to introduce slavery. (At least that way they have total support from the Coalition.)

The Government plan allows unis to collect a compulsory student amenities fee of up to $250. But there will be HECS-style student loans available for those who can’t afford it. After all, 250 bucks – that’s nearly an ounce. / After all, they’ll need that 250 bucks for drugs. / I mean, how the hell are you meant to pick up drunken first-years if you can’t afford to get ‘em pissed?

The Government plan allows unis to collect a compulsory student amenities fee of up to $250. It’ll still be voluntary as to whether or not you join the student union – it’s just that if you don’t, you might as well throw that 250 bucks down the toilet. / you can kiss your 250 bucks goodbye.

That money will go to student services, including child care, health care, the arts, and food. It’s clear why the Coalition were so against it… / And the Coalition just hates funding those.

If the Libs and Family First oppose the legislation as expected, the Government may need the support of Nationals Senate leader Barnaby Joyce, who was always concerned about phasing out student unionism. So to get his support, they may have to actually allow the money to go to student unions after all.

If the Libs and Family First oppose the legislation as expected, the Government may need to get Nationals Senate leader Barnaby Joyce to cross the floor. Although given that he’s the leader, maybe it’ll be the rest of the Nationals who are crossing the floor. Or maybe he’s crossing the ceiling. We might need some new terms here.

But the problem student unions continue to have is their name. Just because they’re filled with hot-headed lefty radicals is no reason to call them unions!

It’s ridiculous. How do you expect our students to turn into the snivelling corporate yesmen of the future if they already get everything they need?

It’s all part of the Rudd government’s long-term plan – if you feed and house them now, in the future they owe you big time.

Of course it’s not actually student unionism, it’s student… onionism! All students need onions!

The Coalition will be happy to support the bill so long as student unions change their names to “student small businesses”.

Opposition Education spokesman Christopher Pyne described the proposal as “a pig with lipstick”, even though it had nothing to do with Belinda Neal.

Opposition Education spokesman Christopher Pyne described the proposal as “a pig with lipstick – it’s still a pig.” Though that’s the best student President the union can afford these days.

Opposition Education spokesman Christopher Pyne described the proposal as “a pig with lipstick – it’s still a pig.” That’s right, the pig of student union funding, dressed up with the lipstick of a services and amenities fee. Emitting the unattractive squeals of student politicians! So he’s got that bit right.

Collecting 250 bucks for help with childcare, healthcare, and student welfare is just like a pig with lipstick. A caring, humanitarian pig with lipstick, who is not only a highly-trained health professional, but will look after your children. Yeah, that kind of pig.

Opposition Education spokesman Christopher Pyne described the proposal as “a pig with lipstick”, borrowing the controversial phrase used by Barack Obama in his campaign. So obviously Christopher Pyne is also a sexist who hates Sarah Palin!

Christopher Pyne should watch it with the “pig with lipstick” jibes; Barnaby Joyce is well known for being a maverick, and he might take offence.

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