Flying Ferrari (Good News Week 24/11/08: Giving Headline)

Scientists are working on a flying car! Or as they are calling it, a “plane”. / “the futuremobilicopter.” Awesome name. / “Chitty chitty bang bang”.

It’s a great idea to make our cars go up and down. Because we’re not just having enough car accidents dealing with just forward and back and left and right.

It does make it much more likely that you’ll be able to catch a taxi when you’re mountain-climbing.

Unfortunately, now those squeegee guys at intersections will all be getting jetpacks.

Now if a bird craps on your car, you can go after the little fucker!

The best thing is being able to watch the weather change as you cause it.

The developer says the car will run on a hybrid engine – so it’s OK, our future full of hovercars will also be ecologically sound! Ohh, I wanna live in the future now!

It runs on a hybrid engine. Part-car, part-plane. / Part-petrol, part-fantasy.

The car maybe be able to fly, fine, it’s environmentally-friendly, and sure, it can go at 240 kilometres an hour, but you can’t do burnouts in it. / it takes all the fun out of bunnyhops. / out of going over speedhumps really fast.

Unfortunately, when subwoofers are installed, the whole car bounces with the rhythm.

The car will be available in two years, cost over a million dollars and be able to fly up to 5000 feet. Soon the skies will be filled with rich prats!

It’ll cost over a million dollars to buy. Great, we’ll end up being buzzed by spoilt brats.

The car will be available in two years, but cost over a million dollars to buy. Which has its upside – the only people pranging at 5000 feet will be rich pricks.

Only problem is that if you forget to fill up, you die.

Of course having a car like this means that, instead of speedhumps, councils are going to have to build speedwalls. / speedskyscrapers. / speedmountains.

Of course the hardest thing about driving a flying car is keeping it lined up with the roads.

The cars take off vertically, then vents tilt to thrust it forward. I guess that’s one solution to tailgating.

Of course, if you’re hooning along at 5000 feet in a car going at 250 k an hour, you’ve really got to trust your mechanic.

And it makes carjacking so much harder.

So it turns out we are going to have flying cars – but no-one will be able to afford them. / afford to fill ‘em up. / afford to run them.

Perfect timing. Just as we get flying cars, we’re trying to reduce the number of people driving and flying. / we’re cutting down on cars and flying. / we can’t afford to drive or fly. NOT FAIR!

But it’s not going to all be good. Imagine peak hour, but forty lanes high…

Now that they’ve got the hovercar out of the way, they’re working on light-sabres and R2-D2. / they’re working on a real working phaser. / they’re working on something they call “Soylent Green”. / they’re gunna build a Death Star! COOL! / they’re gunna build a Death Star. Well, they need somewhere to park.

Now that they’ve finally got the hovercar made, they’re going to get cracking on that cure for cancer. (Promise.)

Now that scientists have finally built a hovercar, they’re going to pick up for sure. / they’re sure to pick up.

A Ferrari that can fly. That’s sure to be safe.

A car that go up to speeds of 240 k, and can fly in the air. Suddenly burnouts seem so insignificant. / Imagine the doughies you could do! / Now that’s hooning!

A car that go up to speeds of 240 k, and can fly in the air. The roads are just getting safer every day.

So when we’re walking the streets, not only will we have to watch out for flying cars, but we’ll have to constantly look up for plummeting vehicles caught in mid-air collisions.

Well, at least we’re still unlikely to be run over from beneath.

Of course, the more environmentally-conscious can get a hover-bicycle. It’s a regular bicycle tied to the back of a hover-car. Hold on tight!

Of course, the flying car will only be available to the exceedingly rich. The rest of us will just have to flap our arms and pretend.

But shouldn’t you need to get a special license to fly a car? After all, you don’t ordinarily need to take account of power lines.

The Ferraris will cost 1.2 million dollars and fly at up to 240 k per hour. I give it one week before a tycoon’s son ends up garrotted by power lines.

Yes, a flying Ferrari. Perfect for those occasions when your private jet isn’t obnoxious enough.

It’ll be great for relieving any traffic jams where a majority of drivers can afford million dollar cars.

In the future, gridlock will be replaced by cubelock!

Unfortunately it’s likely to result in a big increase in hit-and-flies.

It’s going to really confuse the GPS. / You know who I feel sorry for? The GPS.

But with no streets, traffic lights, road signs or specific training, the skies will become the wild, lawless playground of the rich. Let’s hope there’s plenty of games of chicken.

Of course there’ll be heaps of drag racing. In fact, lift and drag racing. / Also known as air resistance racing.

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