Maldivers (Good News Week 24/11/08: What’s the Story)

The new President of the Maldives is going to divert a portion of the annual tourist revenue into a fund to buy a new homeland in case the islands disappear due to rising sea levels. Or if they can’t afford enough new land, perhaps some giant floaties.

Or they could just don wetsuits and become the Maldivers.

Not only are they investing in land, but it’s the perfect time to create a world-class synchronised swimming team.

Not only are they investing in land, but they’re buying up big in flippers and scuba gear. / but sales of stilts have skyrocketed.

It’s either buy a whole new homeland, or maybe get a few boats.

Sure, the Maldive housing market will be screwed, but their fishing industry will boom!

An alternative plan is to move workers out of the tourism industry and into the stop-global-warming-before-we-all-drown industry.

An alternative plan is to move workers out of the tourism industry and into the salt-water market.

Sure, they might lose their homes and way of life, but they’ll be right for salt-water. / right if they ever need some salt-water.

He’s just planning now for the worst case scenario. Not only will the entire country be swamped by rising ocean levels, but tourism levels might drop.

Most parts of the 1200 islands in the Maldives are just 1.5 metres above water, putting the population at great risk from rising sea levels and jumping sharks. / and the tide.

They’re buying land in other countries. History might’ve turned out very differently if that approach had been taken by Hitler.

They’re buying land in other countries. Dubya’s kicking himself…

The new President Mohammed Nasheed has just been elected over their dictator of the past 30 years, Maumoon Abdul Gayoom. But then it’s pretty hard to organise an election on 1200 islands.

The trouble is, if the polar ice-caps melt too much the Maldives is not only going to have to relocate 300,000 people, but thousands of fleeing penguins. / polar bears.

With tourism being the Maldives major industry, they’re also going to plan a campaign to target the aquatic market. / subaquatic market.

The President says it’s an insurance policy… “After all, the Israelis began by buying land in Palestine.” And didn’t that turn out well.

And money from tourism is bound to increase once people realise that their chances to visit are rapidly disappearing…

And money from tourism is bound to increase: there’s very few places in the world where you can lie on the beach 2 metres underwater. / where you can sunbake beneath the sea.

They’re putting the money aside from tourist revenue. They’re just hoping the tourism will continue from people wanting to visit a real live Atlantis.

He’s suggesting they may like to buy up land in Australia because of the amount of unoccupied land available. And if there’s one place unlikely to be flooded by rising sea levels, it’s the Simpson Desert.

He’s suggesting they may like to buy up land in Australia. After being inundated with water, he figures it’s time they give drought a go. / he figures drought might be a refreshing change.

He’s suggesting they may like to buy up land in Australia. After a few years living in drought, he figures his people won’t mind moving back to islands covered in water. / he figures living in a land covered in water might look more appealing.

If they buy up tracts of central Australia, drowning will be the least of their worries! They’ll be begging for rising sea levels!

He’s suggesting they may like to buy up land in Australia because of the amount of unoccupied land available. And he’s been told it’s terra nullius.

He’s suggesting they may like to buy up land in Australia. He’s going to send his criminals first…

He’s considering moving the population to Australia, though most Maldivians find it difficult to believe that it’s all just one island.

He’s also considering buying up land in India. Hey, they’d never notice another 300,000 people.

He’s also considering buying up land in India. Those other billion folks can just shuffle over a bit.

He’s also considering buying up land in India and Sri Lanka, because they have similar cultures, climates and cuisines. After all, when you’ve just had your home destroyed by rising ocean levels, your mind naturally turns to dining. / you want to know you can get a good curry. / it’s hard to think of anything but cuisine.

He’s also considering buying up land in India and Sri Lanka, because they have similar cultures, cuisines and climates. Although hopefully without the “submerged beneath the ocean” bits.

Maldives is a country that has had 30 years of public floggings, banishment, torture, and political suppression. Surely they can handle a little bit of moisture? / A little bit of flooding should be just fine!

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