Australian athletes are seeded to win just fifteen medals at next years Commonwealth Games, including only four gold. And the rest were chocolate.
Aussies are world champion walkers – we’ve got the three highest ranked Commonwealth walkers for both men and women. And we’re an absolute cert to get gold in the aimless meander / the 100 metre amble.
Aussie sports standards do seem to be slipping. The athletes are not ranking highly, the cricketers are starting to be beaten, even our world marbles championship crown is said to be under threat. Luckily we’re still tops in beer sculling, dwarf-throwing, and synchronised shark attack.
“Man, it’s tough to win gold. You have to run so fast.”
The Commonwealth Games is viewed as a third or fourth rate event after the Olympics, world and European championships. Great. Even our events are losers.
Still, the Commonwealth Games are still bigger than the Mordialloc South Primary Volleyball quarter-finals. Though the Games doesn’t have a sausage sizzle…
Australia has the top three athletes in men’s and women’s 20km road walk. “It’s a bloody long way to the milkbar,” said gold-winner Nathan Deakes. “In hindsight, I wish I’d taken the car.”
Australia has world champion walkers. Still, with public transport like ours, you don’t have much choice.
The other sport that Aussie athletes excel at is the pole vault. Matt Shervington is also thinking of entering – and bringing his own pole.
Our only predicted medal on the track is for Jana Pittman, who is currently suffering from a fractured spine. That certainly puts our other runners into some perspective.
Said one spokesathlete, “Yeah, no, like, gold is so heavy, it like hurts your neck muscles. I’d rather wear bronze any day – plus, look how well it matches these shoes!”
“Look, gold isn’t all that great anyway,” said an athletics spokesman. “It’s bronze we’re really after – you can’t make public statues out of gold.”
Tamsyn, you’re a long-distance runner… are you just another Aussie loser?
