Doctor Fish (Good News Week 23/2/09: What’s the Story?)

Health spas worldwide are embracing a trend for filling pools with flesh-eating Kangal fish, which feed off dead skin and let the healthy cells grow, making them great for treating skin diseases. And for more serious medical conditions, they bring out the squid-surgeon. / the sawfish.

The perfect solution if you’re suffering from white-bait. / cockles. / barnacles.

Best of all, after they’ve finished curing your skin condition, you can enjoy them with a squeeze of lemon and a side-serve of chips. / And, unlike Western doctors, after they’ve finished curing your skin condition, you can enjoy them with a squeeze of lemon and a side-serve of chips.

But if you can’t afford a session with the doctor-fish, you can always try your luck with the Grey Nurses.

And after all, what medical conditions can’t be solved by nibbling off a bit of dead skin?

Great for psoriasis – not so good for brain surgery. / organ transplants.

This is fantastic – a creature that lives off our diseases! All we need is a cancer-gobbling crab and an AIDS-devouring cuttlefish and the book on medical science can be closed for good.

They’ve also found fish that can cure cancer, as seen in the new film Finding Chemo.

And even if you don’t have a medical condition, the fish can still be used for personal gratification.

The fish are used by psoriasis patients, dandruff sufferers, and fishophiles.

The fish only eat dead tissue. The pools are not only the perfect place for people with skin problems, but also for people who want to dispose of some bodies.

The Kangal are also known as “doctor fish”. Although be warned, they may misdiagnose your eczema as “delicious”.

They’re also known as “doctor fish”, both because they can help ease skin complaints and because their handwriting is illegible.

The pools are fantastic. Not only are they filled with doctor fish, but there’s grey nurses to help the doctor fish, sawfish to cut you open, and an electric eel they can use as a defibrillator.

The doctor fish are also perfect when you’ve got crabs.

Doctor fish are also perfect for helping you with sore mussels… crabs… and if you’ve got any troubles with your bearded clam.

Of course putting them on someone without a skin condition is akin to torture.

Not sure I’d be that keen. Sure they might cure my skin condition, but how many others are they going to give me from their past meals?

And then if you eat the fish afterwards, it’s like ingesting your own disease. Definitely worth a try.

Of course, flesh-eating sharks also get rid of unwanted skin. And heads.

Sure, they get rid of unwanted skin. But not as much as hammerheads. / a great white. / piranhas.

People all over the world are paying money to sit in a pool of Kangal fish and get nibbled. Sometimes by the fish.

Unfortunately if a Kangal fish eats too much psoriasis they can end up contracting the disease. And who’s going to nibble their skin clean? Poor little freaks.

Just a hint – don’t mix them up with piranhas.

Taking a trip to the Piranha Day Spa is still a touch risky.

Sure, they’re great for eating all of your dead skin – but piranhas eat all the living stuff too!

Now if only there was a creature that lived off haemorrhoids…

And if you can’t find flesh-eating fish to cure your skin condition, you can always stick your head in a tiger’s mouth.

Western doctors are taking the news on board, and have now begun giving their patients a little bit of a nibble.

Other animals are also great for curing diseases, says the National Union of Crocodiles.

Sure, they can cure your psoriasis, but they can give you a nasty case of scale-itch. / the bends. / piscine flu.

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