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Good News Week

Obama Inc (Good News Week 9/3/09: monologue)

Obamamania has swept America, not just in terms of miles of merchandise, but also through corporations co-opting his image and slogans. Because change may have come to America, but not to the point where they’ll stop trading in tacky rip-offs.

With the similarity of their logo to Obama’s, Pepsi co-opted slogans such as “Choose Change”, “Optimism” and “Yes, you can.” Which is how they’d like you to address cans of Pepsi. / Though for larger sizes the slogan is “Yes, you bottle”.

Pepsi also adopted Obama’s most popular slogan: “Yes, you can. Of Pepsi.”

Yes, you can have a cola soft drink! It’s a whole new era!

In response, Coke has launched their own new campaign: “We’re black too!” / “Coke is black.”

You can even get an Obama dildo, “Yes yes YES YOU CAN!” / called the Yes We Come.

If they made the President Elect into a dildo, I’d hate to think of what they did to McCain…

They put the President Elect on a dildo – just don’t ask where McCain’s face is now. / where they put McCain.

The same company also made a McCain dildo in case he won –it’s two inches long and shaped like a wrinkled peanut.

Obama is also available as a dildo! And McCain’s available as a buttplug.

Rudd’s jealous – why can’t he be a bright blue dildo too? / he only really got into politics for the bright blue dildos. / he really only got into politics in the hope that, one day, someone would make him into a bright blue dildo.

You can also get Obama as a gargoyle. Only in the new America, that’s not racist!

You can also get Obama as a gargoyle. Because being depicted as a gargoyle is actually the height of respect. / After all, nothing’s more respectful than being represented as a grotesque stone monster.

You can also get Obama as a gargoyle. After all, who wouldn’t want to be depicted as a gargoyle?

And then there’s these. (show G-banger undies) Because what’s sexier than the President dressed as an acorn?

It’s proof that Obama can save the American economy – it’s a merch-led recovery!

Obama’s everywhere. He’s the new black.

For those fond of livestock, there’s the Obama Llama; for those who love tropical fruits, there’s the Obama Banana; for those who want the person feeding the llamas and growing the bananas, there’s the Obama Farmer. And of course, there’s Wendy Harmer.

Then there’s this. (Yes We Can bottle opener) Surely a “Yes We Can” opener should actually open cans! / Surely a bottle opener should be called “Yes We Bottle”.

(painting of nude Obama riding unicorn) And here’s Obama arriving to address Congress.

Hm, a poster of a nude Obama riding a unicorn. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see any of those for Dubya.

Obama also makes a guest appearance in a Spider-Man comic. Phh, who needs Spider-Man, we’ve got Obama!

A hotel chain have run an ad campaign listing things that conventional wisdom said “we couldn’t do as Americans”, finishing with electing a black man as president and the tagline “What’s next America? Because whatever it is: ‘Yes, we can’.” I’m sure they’ll tell you something about their hotels if you rang them and asked.

The Obama merchandise boom has kept many thousands of Americans employed, and many more are employed making landfill out of all the Bush and McCain merchandise.

Also very popular are Obama action figure dolls. And for Republicans, Obama voodoo dolls.

When he saw the Obama action figures for sale, Dubya kicked himself. He could’ve made millions selling a little Bush. / People would’ve paid a lot of money to see a little Bush. / his little Bush.

There’s even dolls of his children, and one of his wife. Apparently that’s one’s actually inflatable.

You can buy dolls of Obama and even his daughters. They’re just like Bratz dolls apart from not encouraging girls to become vacuous sluts with enormous heads.

You can even buy Obama babooshka dolls. Not just the first black man to be President, but also the first Russian grandmother.

You can even buy Obama babooshka dolls. All Dubya managed was some Georgebooshka dolls.

You can even buy Obama babooshka dolls. Even though Babooshka was sung by Kate Bush. It’s not right.

It’s so tacky, shoehorning Obama into everything just to make a buck. Can you imagine that happening in Australia? (hold up Obama mask, flap mouth) Yes, we can. / Can we go to an ad break now? (hold up Obama mask, flap mouth) Yes, we can.

By Wok

Warwick Holt is a highly experienced, award-winning screenwriter, who has written for many of Australia’s top comedians and presenters, and the Emperor of this here Media Empire.

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