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This wheel’s on fire (The Glass House 28/9/05)

Passengers were treated to an exciting in-flight program as they landed at LA International Airport – their own emergency landing. As the plane’s front wheels got stuck sideways and burst into flame, the passengers got to watch it being reported live on TV. “It was great,” said one. “Just a shame the whole plane didn’t catch fire. That’d look cool!”

At the peak of the crisis, the passengers were suddenly shocked by one passenger bursting into hysterical laughter. “What? I was watching Everybody Loves Raymond! That Robbie cracks me up.”

Sounds better than the last in-flight movie I saw – that September 11 footage is such a downer.

It was distracting for the pilots – they didn’t know whether to watch what they were doing, or the crashing plane on TV.

The flight was going fine until the pilots started watching themselves on TV…

The pilot was thrilled to get an offer to star in a Hollywood remake of the landing. Sabotaging his own plane was always going to be a great career move.

The pilot is now starring in a Hollywood remake of the landing. “I get to be the pilot!”

The pilot’s now trying to decide between a couple of new job offers. There’s one from Columbia Pictures and another from Al Qaeda. “I’m thinking of going with the terrorists,” he said. “That way I don’t have to work out this stupid landing gear.”

Passengers were shocked to see their plane crash and explode in a blazing fireball, leaving no survivors – but it turned out that they’d just been watching the Director’s Cut…

The passengers are now filing a lawsuit against the airline, demanding royalties, a cut of the soundtrack album, and guarantee of a sequel.

“It’s exciting seeing yourself on TV,” said one passenger. “Much more exciting than being in a boring old plane disaster.”

“It was exciting,” said one passenger. “But the ending was a bit of a let-down. I really wanted them to crash!”

Some passengers were disappointed with their performance and have demanded a second take.

Several passengers are suing the airline for not telling them they’d be on TV – “If I’d known it was going to be televised, I’d’ve got my hair done!”

The broadcast was such a hit that they’ve commissioned a new series: Survivor: Plane Crash!

“Yeah it was pretty exciting,” said one passenger. “But I really wish I’d been on one of those 9-11 planes – that would’ve looked awesome!”

The pilot was confused. “Planes have wheels? Now I’ve heard everything!”

“Better than the last plane I flew – that had the wings on sideways. Took ages to get off the ground.”

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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