Glass House

US Extreme Makeover (The Glass House 5/10/05)

President Bush has appointed his closest confidante, Karen Hughes, with the task of overhauling the US’s bruised global image. With her and Condi Rice as his closest confidantes, you wouldn’t wanna be his wife…

Hey Dubya, you want to know how you could really repair the US’s image? RESIGN.

She’s got the job of fixing the USA’s global image. Her first move was to tape Bush’s mouth shut.

One strategy for making the US look better is to have everywhere else obliterated / laid to waste/ blown to bits.

Another strategy is the “don’t mention it” technique. “If we never mention Iraq or Hurricane Katrina again, hopefully people will forget that they were ever a problem. Hey, it worked for Osama!”

With Hurricanes Katrina and Rita battering the South Coast, it looks like God thought it would be a good idea to give the US an extreme makeover too…

Bush called Hughes’ mission an “incredibly important” aspect to the war on terror. “Coz otherwise people might see we’re actually just bloodthirsty fascists with an insatiable lust for oil and power. Ooh, did I say that or just think it? Ms Hughes?!”

Bush called Hughes’ mission an “incredibly important” dimension to the war on terror. “Much more important than catching Osama or liberating Iraqis.”

Bush called Hughes’ mission an “incredibly important” aspect to the war on terror. Maybe she can work out if it’s still on or not.

The War on Terror could do with a new PR campaign. Perhaps some new TV ads, some glowing reviews in the papers, and – I know – a whole bunch of new fridge magnets!

She’s already renamed the “War on Terror” the “Battle of the Sand People”, Hurricane Katrina “the Cleansing Autumn Drizzle” and Osama bin Laden “Saddam Hussein”.

Asked how she was enjoying her new position, Ms Hughes said it was “double plus ungood”!

The job’s a big challenge. She also has to make Bush seem intelligent, articulate, and capable of running a country.

The new position is kinda like being a dog’s owner – she just follows Dubya around all the time, cleaning up after him… / cleaning up all his poop.

By Wok

Warwick Holt is a highly experienced, award-winning screenwriter, who has written for many of Australia’s top comedians and presenters, and the Emperor of this here Media Empire.

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