Boxing (a) Kangaroo (Good News Week 23/3/09: What’s The Story?)

A Canberra man wrestled a 40 kilogram kangaroo out of his house after it smashed through his bedroom window at 2am Sunday morning. Boy was it drunk.

A Canberra man wrestled a 40 kilogram kangaroo out of his house after it smashed through his bedroom window at 2am on a Sunday morning. He only realised it was a kangaroo once he’d kicked it out of the house – he’d assumed it was his son on a bender.

A Canberra man wrestled a kangaroo in his undies. How the kangaroo got into the man’s undies is anyone’s guess.

He first thought it was a “lunatic ninja”. Fair enough mistake to make. Because, although they do live right next door to a nature reserve, their property does back up against the Ninja Asylum.

Kangaroos. They’re nature’s lunatic ninjas.

The Swiss-born man’s first half-awake thought was that it was a lunatic ninja, just like they’re plagued by in Switzerland.

The Swiss-born man’s first half-awake thought was that it was a lunatic ninja – but then he remembered he wasn’t in Switzerland any more.

His wife originally thought it was one of the possums that’s been plaguing them since they moved in. Those big hoppy possums. / But no, the roo had already dealt with the possums.

Mrs Benman originally thought the kangaroo was a possum, but Mr Benman thought it was a lunatic ninja. Like last time.

Mr Benman initially thought it was a lunatic ninja, and only realised it was a roo when he grabbed it by the pouch.

It’s bad enough when birds try to peck their reflections.

The kangaroo swore there was an open field here last time.

Beat Benman’s wife Verity described his efforts as Dundee-esque: humourous, fictional, and with proceeds directed to an off-shore tax haven.

His wife described him as Dundee-esque, especially the way he did that hypnotising thing with the ridgey-didge fist.

He’s been waiting years for this opportunity, practising on wombats. / platypodes.

Now the roo knows – no-one beats Beat Benman.

The kangaroo jumped through the bedroom window and started bouncing on the man, his wife and their daughter. That’s the last time the family all dress as trampolines. / inflatable castles.

It was a huge fright, but it was a nice change to be broken into by an intruder that you could make into sausages. / you can chuck on the barbie.

The roo was jumping on his bed, so he did what anyone would do – he pulled the sheets up over his head.

The roo was jumping on his head and shoulders. Luckily, Mr Benman is three stories tall and made of hardwood.

Although, it is partially their fault for living in an inflatable bouncy castle.

He got the roo in a headlock, but for some reason this only seemed to get the creature angrier.

The man did it all in his undies. Though he was wearing them on his head. / And one of those Mexican wrestling masks.

He only had his undies on. But so what – the roo was completely naked. / But it was an even fight – the roo had forgotten its boxing gloves.

He dragged it down the hallway and pushed it out the front door. The roo is currently licking its wounds and gathering a posse.

He dragged it down the hallway and pushed it out the front door. It’s the same technique he uses on Jehovah’s Witnesses. / It’s a technique he’s honed after years of practise on Jehovah’s Witnesses.

“What’s that Skip? You’re going to give the Benmans the fright of their lives?”

He grabbed the creature in a headlock and dragged it out the door. Clearly he doesn’t know that this actually can’t be done. / is totally impossible.

So much for my plan of breaking into homes using kangaroos.

The family’s rental home is not far from a nature reserve. Mr Benman says he’s going to wait till all the fuss has died down, and then jump through THEIR window.

Turns out that boxing kangaroo is a wimp without his gloves.

In fact, the Aussie green and gold boxing kangaroo flag will instead now just have a picture of Mr Benman in his undies.

Mr Benman is Swiss-born, and his wife said she didn’t know an Australian that would dare wrestle a kangaroo. Not only that, he’s humiliated our America’s Cup flag.

But Mr Benman is Swiss. And in Switzerland, they’re always wrestling kangaroos.

His wife said that most Aussie men wouldn’t dare wrestle a kangaroo out of the house. That’s true. We’d just ride the bastard to the pub!

It’s the first time he’s had to wrestle a window-smashing roo jumping on his bed – normally it’s crocodiles.

The roo was nearly 2 metres tall, and weighed about 40 kilos – but you shoulda seen the one that got away!

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