Obarbarian (Good News Week 20/4/09: Strange But True)

Barack Obama is featuring in a new range of comics as “Barack the Barbarian”. No, it’s a compliment, really. / I’m sure it’s meant to be a compliment.

That’s more like it! Enough of this pussy-foot negotiatin’, more bloody-axe swingin’!

Obama the Barbarian is just like Obama the Politician, only there’s fewer grass-roots round-table discussions, and more rage-filled beheadings.

One comic is called “Barack the Barbarian: Quest for the Treasure of Stimuli”. I don’t think it’s that hard to find that particular stimulus package – it’s right there in his furry jockstrap.

Ah, a cartoon president – the perfect hero to find a caricature like bin Laden.

Because, after all, sitting in meetings and reading documents is very much like battling wizards in the snow.

Of course, the real Obama would never go to work in a furry codpiece. He saves that for the boudoir. / Unless he’s going to work on Michelle.

The titles feature Barack the Barbarian as the President of “Kickassistan”. Though coincidentally, he also shares some superficial similarities with the President of the United States.

The titles feature Barack the Barbarian as the President of “Kickassistan”. It’s somewhere in the Middle West.

The titles feature Barack the Barbarian as the President of “Kickassistan”. Or as it used to be known, “Iraq”.

The titles feature Barack the Barbarian as the President of “Kickassistan”. Sounds a bit middle-eastern… surely it should be “The United States of BAM”!

It’s interesting, because wanton destruction and hacking evil-doers to bits was actually more Dubya’s style.

If only Barack the Barbarian would take his axe to the evil Financor, the economy could be saved!

In an upcoming issue, Barack the Barbarian tackles climate change head-on, by chopping everything down with a battleaxe. Why haven’t we thought of that before?

Barack the Barbarian! He negotiates! He pontificates! He reads magnificently from an autocue! GGGRRRRR!

I’m sorry America. No matter how hard you try, he’s always going to be a Harvard Law nerd.

Barack the Barbarian wields a bloody battleaxe: the Bloody Battleaxe of Justice. / of Hope.

He’s still a symbol of hope and change. His enemies HOPE he won’t hack them to pieces with an axe, and he’s happy to CHANGE you into a pile of bloody limbs.

He’s still a symbol of change and hope. He’s willing to CHANGE into a furry loincloth at any opportunity, and his enemies HOPE he won’t hack them to pieces with an axe.

This new incarnation of Obama is more of a “Yes I Will” type of guy.

This new incarnation of Obama is a bit less “Yes We Can” and a bit more “No You Don’t”. / and a bit more “Me Kill Bad Guys”. Which was actually the previous administration’s official foreign policy.

Gasp! As Barack the Barbarian tackles the evil financial overlords by plunging the budget into multi-trillion dollar deficit!

He has to fight supervillians, monsters, and some mysterious all-powerful spirit-creature called “The Great Depression”. / “The Credit Crunch”.

Unfortunately, his furry loincloth will offer him little protection from the evil racist wizard’s motorcade headshot.

Barack has to battle Overlord Boosh and Chain-knee of the Elephant Kingdom, as well as “The Screeching Enchantress – the Harpy of the Elephant Tower”. Who weirdly isn’t Sarah Palin.

In “The Quest for the Treasure of Stimuli”, Barbarian Barack takes on his Nemesis, the evil Sarah Palin, wearing little apart from a cape made from wolf skin. (wolf whistle) See, that was a wolf whistle. Yup. / Some Americans are wondering whether they can change their vote. (The comic book Sarah has so much more depth.)

In “The Quest for the Treasure of Stimuli”, Barbarian Barack takes on his Nemesis, the evil Sarah Palin, wearing little apart from a cape made from wolf skin. You can tell it’s a just comic book – the REAL Palin poses no threat to Obama at all. And would be wearing moose-skin.

To make Obama seem like a violent oafish brute, the comic book writers had to dramatically alter the truth. Luckily with Sarah Palin, they didn’t. / they didn’t have to do a damn thing.

Sarah Palin makes a perfect comic book villain. She’s already two-dimensional.

In the comic, Sarah Palin is his nemesis. As opposed to real life, where she’s some irrelevant hick who Obama’s already forgotten.

Funny how these warrior comics were never created for Dubya. Although he was featured in some unrealistic cartoon called “The War on Terror”.

Although he’s a villain, Dubya was pleased with the news. At last, a book about him that he can read.

Hilary Clinton features as Sorceress Hilaria, who manages to bewitch her greatest nemesis into giving her the key foreign affairs post.

Hilary Clinton features as an evil sorceress who keeps a tight grip on her husband’s magical balls.

Barack, Boosh, Chain-Knee, Hilaria – I don’t know, does anyone else find these character names eerily familiar?

Future titles include “Barack the Barbarian and the Dow of Doom”, “Barack the Barbarian Negotiates with Terrorists” and “Barack the Barbarian Lets Us All Down”. / Future titles include “Barack the Barbarian Bails Out The Corporate Sector”, “Barack the Barbarian Reaches A Negotiated Compromise” and “Barack the Barbarian Fails To Live Up To Unrealistic Expectations”.

Barack’s response to the comic was luke-warm. He’d really have preferred to be the Terminator. / the Kindergarten Cop.

Obama is also a friend to Spiderman. Since he read the comic, Dubya’s been calling the president up, asking if he can get Spidey’s number, he’s a big big fan…

Rudd is sooo jealous – he could be a big strong barbarian too! Or at least, a big strong librarian. Okay, fine, a clerk at the helpdesk – but he could still wear a furry codpiece!

Australian publishers are hoping to follow up “Barack the Barbarian” with their own series of comics: “Kevin the Librarian”! (And “Malcolm Turnbull: Invisible Man”!)

In the hope that someone will feature him in a similar comic, Kevin Rudd is now walking around parliament with only a sword and a furry codpiece.

But Rudd has his own furry codpiece. He calls it Swannie.

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