Glass House

Rogues’ Gallery – Dubya & Johnny / Bert / Vanstone (The Glass House 12/10/05)

Johnny fingers Dubya
“Sit and spin, sir?”

“Don’t worry, Mr President, I’ll get your gooby.”

“See? You did have something up your nose.”

“Can I still be deputy sheriff? I brought my own gun!”

“And so, Mr President, I said, ‘Saddam – that’s LBW!'”

“And this means the batsman’s out.”

Howard and Bush discuss the future of petrol prices.

Bush: “Hands up who likes me!”

“No John, the Satanic salute requires two fingers!”

“Well, if you think my willy’s too short, I can always use my finger…”

“I have been faithful. See, it still smells like you!”

“Go on, pull my finger.”

“That’s right, Johnny. I am number one.”

Howard indicates just how many other countries matter to him…

“I hope you’re gonna do more with that finger than just point, Johnny Boy…”

“Now, watch me put a condom on it with my mouth!”

Bush is bemused by Howard’s cricket umpiring stories.

“ET… phone home…”

Bert Newton and a shiny tube
It’s huge, round and shiny… but what’s it holding?

Bert thrilled to find something bigger than his head.

“See – there is something bigger than my head!”

His career in ruins, Bert half-heartedly attempts to drown himself.

Newton’s head cancer worsens.

Bert’s new wheel short on prizes.

Bert misses Channel 0.

Disturbing projections of what Bert will look like in ten years.

Bert treats unfortunate case of head-haemorrhoids.

Bert’s new toupee more discreet than ever.

New giant doughnut with Bert-head filling.

Bert tries to hang himself with inflatable noose.

New Mini-Bert in dunkable doughnut size.

Bert’s new disguise unsuccessful.

“And it’s so discreet!”

Inflatable neck-brace goes horribly wrong.

Bert tries on new blow-up beard.

“This thing makes my head look tiny!”

Bert advertises Australia’s biggest doughnut.

“Finally, a haemorrhoid-ring in the size I need!”

And this one didn’t make it to air…

Vanstone's bugging eyes
“I’ll have what Bert’s having!”

An illegal alien.

“Are those doughnuts all mine?”

Amanda realises too late that her chair has no seat.

Quick Amanda! Put your glasses back on!

Mandy fails new drug-test.

Then, at the worst possible moment, the wind changed.

The precise moment of Amanda Vanstone’s demonic possession.

“Look, I can do self-harm too! This is my insane eye-pop.”

Finally, a shot of Vanstone acting natural.

Vanstone tries to prove she’s not one of those slanty-eyed foreigners.

“And if I do this, I can get three chins!”

“When’s my turn to interrogate?”

Proof that computers are bad for your eyes.

Phillip Ruddock’s new Halloween costume hard to believe.

Yeah Amanda, prisoners harming themselves is unattractive.

By Wok

Warwick Holt is a highly experienced, award-winning screenwriter, who has written for many of Australia’s top comedians and presenters, and the Emperor of this here Media Empire.

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