Turban Helmets (GNW 25/5/09: Up-cut)

In the UK, Sikh police officers want the force to develop bullet-proof turbans so they can join gun & riot squads. Fully Sikh!

It will be particularly useful for inner-city riots. It’s an urban disturbin’ turban.

They also want to be armed with more destructive weaponry. They want to be able to Sikh and Destroy.

One idea is to actually create a giant bulletproof shelter that several of the religious policemen can hide in at once. It’ll be like Hide and Sikh.

In the turbans their heads get really hot, and so they’re also thinking of using that energy to power small rockets. They’ll be heat-Sikhing missiles.

The Sikh religion requires its male followers to wear the turban, but existing police helmets don’t fit. Though they do a pretty good job of protecting the turban.

Scientists are investigating whether Kevlar could be used for the 5 metre strip of cloth required. It would have the added benefit of allowing you to be bowled at rioters.

But we should be careful. Give a bullet-proof turban to Harbajhan Singh and he really will be unstoppable.

And Muslim policewomen will be able to use the same material for a bullet-proof burqua. They’ll be a holy wall!

Leave a Reply