Punching Teachers (GNW 25/5/09: 3 1/2 Corners)

A school in China is helping ease students’ tensions by letting them lay into punching bags dressed up like their teachers. Except for the punching bags, it’s similar to the relaxation techniques used several years ago in Columbine High.

Chinese school children are being encouraged to relieve stress by punching sandbags covered in pictures of their teachers. But no, it’s not unfair – they are given boxing gloves.

Chinese school children are being encouraged to relieve stress by punching sandbags covered in pictures of their teachers. So much for meditation. / Clearly the Chinese government hasn’t heard of meditation. / The Chinese government believes meditation is a bit… Tibetan. / It’s not that meditation wouldn’t work just as well – it’s just a bit too Tibetan.

Chinese school children are being encouraged to relieve stress by punching sandbags covered in pictures of their teachers. Granted, it is sometimes distracting for the rest of the class.

Chinese school children are being encouraged to relieve stress by punching sandbags covered in pictures of their teachers. But they’re only allowed to punch – no Chinese burns. (That’d be racist.)

Yeah, I always thought corporal punishment was given the wrong way around.

The principal found that the original plan of beating up the teachers themselves resulted in far too many sick days.

Vice principal Meng Fanxiang said it was better for students to release their stress within the school than outside, where they might beat up civilian sandbags.

Vice principal Meng Fanxiang said it was better for students to release their stress within the school than other places. Especially now they’ve all become such excellent boxers.

And if you’ve got extremely high stress levels, you’re allowed to run over the teacher dummies with a tank.

So now if students are misbehaving, they’ll have to stay back and beat up the teachers till they learn.

Although if you’re stabbing the dummy in the eyes with the scissors and carving “die piggy die” on its stomach, you might want to try a different relaxation technique.

And the teachers had better behave themselves or they’ll get the cane.

See, by taking out their frustrations on the teacher sandbag, they’re bound to be much more respectful. / respectful and attentive in class.

I guess no-one wanted to beat up the teacher-free sandbags.

The vice-principal got the idea when she saw teachers beating up sandbags of the students.

Ever since corporal punishment has been outlawed, they’ve been looking for some way to reintroduce violence to schools.

And you should see their stabbing bags! They even bleed.

And, for extra realism, the punching bags are stuffed with Falun Gong members. / Tibetans.

And teachers get to ease their own frustrations by beating the living shit out of their students. Stuffed into a punching bag.

It’s a great way to relieve pent up aggression. And, once you’ve spent all day punching the living shit out of a dummy that looks just like your teacher, there’s no way you’ll ever be able to do it in real life! Preposterous.

It’s not practice at all. No way.

And after the teacher doll, they move onto the Western Capitalist doll. Oh, and they’re allowed to bayonet that one!

That’s the last time the teachers will be asking for a pay rise.

It’s proving a real success for the school. Not only are the students getting out their stress, any teachers who step out of line can be threatened with a “sandbagging”.

But any students who want to beat up a real teacher have to bring their own boxing gloves.

But don’t hit too hard, or the dummy might give you detention beating up the real teachers.

Any students who misbehave in the boxing room have to spend an hour tormenting the school monks. / the school chaplain.

The students say that the dummies are great. Unlike the flesh teachers, it’s really hard to break their necks.

The students say that the dummies are great. Unlike the real teachers, you can keep stabbing and stabbing and stabbing, and they never once mewl for help. / Unlike the real teachers, they never pathetically beg you to stop.

Though it does undermine discipline somewhat. Last time a teacher set 50 lines they were carved into his chest.

The kids say they love taking out vengeance on the teacher dummies, as well as the spot-on impersonations of their anguished cries.

At least they’re not taking out the violence on the actual teachers. Although the school did have to torment them to get realistic sounds.

If only Dubya had had a sandbag with a picture of Saddam Hussein on it, thousands of Iraqi civilians would still be alive.

It works the same way as dressing up targets as Iraqi mothers and children stops the US military killing REAL Iraqi mothers and children. Oh. Oh, I see.

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