Glass House

Punch a Pollie today (The Glass House 26/10/05)

NSW Nationals MP Andrew Fraser took a political stoush a bit literally with his Parliamentary assault on roads minister Joe Tripodi. Fraser later apologised. “I’m sorry – sorry I didn’t kill the prick!”

Mr Fraser is now being suspended for eight days – by the neck.

Fraser became agitated when Tripodi refused to admit he was a Martian. “It’s there in his name! TRIPOD – I! OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE!”

From now on Parliament will be held in the car park…

From now on Parliament will be held in a jelly-wrestling ring.

From now on, all politicians will be armed with sixshooters, and Parliament won’t open until high noon.

From now on, all debates will be to the death.

From now on, the speaker of the house will open parliament by shouting (Mortal Kombat voice) “FIGHT!”, and politicians are allowed to use their Death Moves at the end of each bill.

Politicians are now only allowed to cross the floor if they do it in one superhuman flying kick.

Piano wire and hangman’s nooses have now been banned from the Lower House – unless you’re dangling down from the Upper House.

“I wasn’t serious,” said Mr Fraser. “I was only choking!”

Instead of bills being passed, they will now be shot out of cannons.

I think he should be promoted to Federal Parliament – there’s a whole cabinet of people to strangle.

Barnaby Joyce was said to be pleased that other Nationals were also now crossing the floor… He vows that next time he crosses the floor, he’ll try to get a punch in.

Federal Nationals leader Mark Vaille confessed that he’d also been tempted to cross the floor to take a punch at a member. Only difference is, Barnaby’s in his own party…

Fraser said his assault was due to a “brain-snap” – or at least, an attempted brain-snap.

It’s a good direction to go in. Rather than Question Time, we could have an all-out brawl – and every four years, all Australian citizens get to give the politician of their choice a good hard kick to the nads.

But don’t we all want to strangle politicians? The only downside is that it wasn’t John Howard!

Fraser was suspended for eight days, removed from the front bench, and given a disciplinary party-room choking.

Sydney’s Parliament House has been renamed “The Thunderdome” – “two parties enter, one party leaves!”

So far the fisticuffs have been confined to the Lower House. In the Upper House, they get to use guns!

I went to a wrestling match the other day, and a Parliamentary session broke out!

Strangling wasn’t his first choice, however – he’d intended to give him a good hard kick in the Lower House.

By Wok

Warwick Holt is a highly experienced, award-winning screenwriter, who has written for many of Australia’s top comedians and presenters, and the Emperor of this here Media Empire.

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