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Chocopetrol for Vegecar (GNW 8/6/09: Strange But True)

British scientists have developed a car built on fibres from plants and vegetables, and powered by chocolate waste. Driving has never been so delicious!

And when two of them crash into each other, it’s not a tragedy – it’s a salad!

The vehicle runs on vegetable oils and chocolate waste. What?! There’s chocolate going to waste?!!

The vehicle runs on vegetable oils and chocolate waste. But that’s clearly a lie – chocolate NEVER goes to waste.

So now there’s a vehicle where the driver and the car can be powered by the very same thing.

The race-car is made from vegetables. It looks just like a normal Formula 1 car, except it’s the shape of a giant potato. / except that it’s all bright orange with a green spoiler. / except that the driver has to eat his way in.

Or you could try running it on compound chocolate / “choc”, or as the chocolate petrol stations call it, “Untasty”.

Scientists hope it can reach speeds of over 230 kilometres per hour, and if it doesn’t, they’ll eat it and start again.

Scientists hope it can reach speeds of over 230 kilometres per hour, and if it doesn’t, well, back to the old chopping board.

Unfortunately, they’re still having problems with the plant car. The roots are really slowing it down.

There are unfortunately still a few bugs. And they’re eating the car.

Unfortunately, the road needs to be made of mashed potato.

It’s capable of driving over all terrains, but it’s especially effective in gravy.

The car drives well, but does keep getting pecked at by birds.

The scientists believe the potato car could get up to around 230 kilometres per hour, which would break the land spud record.

The car has a seat made from soybeans. It’s not only extremely comfortable, but goes well with raw fish.

Sure, the car is less harmful than other cars, but it is much more prone to caterpillars. / pests. / aphids. / leaf blight.

It runs on vegetable oils and chocolate waste. Just like me! / Just like Matthew Johns. / Delicious!

Unfortunately a vegetable car is bound to have problems. Not enough iron.

They originally tried just running it on vegetable oil but at high speeds the car roasted.

The best thing about the racing car is, if you water it regularly, you can end up with a combi van!

Unfortunately, every autumn, the car loses all its duco. / the duco goes brown and drops off. / the car goes brown and drops off.

Next, the scientists are planning to build a car out of cheesecake that runs on ice cream!

They’ve even given it a groovy name: the Choc-Veg.

They’re planning on making a Tarana out of banana, a Lambourghini out of fettucini, an Alfa-Romeo out of alfalfa and mayo, and a Fiat out of me-at.

The exhaust has very low carbon emissions, but a very high sugar content. / although the nitrogen is off the scale.

The car has very low carbon emissions, but does produce a lot of compost. / but does need a lot of fertiliser. / but does require a lot of mulch.

They’ve made a Formula 3 racer, just to show that they can beat all those other chocolate-powered vegetable race-cars.

They would have made a Formula 1 car, but unfortunately that formula does require a certain amount of meat content. / but it didn’t belch the required quantity of noxious fumes.

The scientists hope the vehicle will go 230 kilometres per hour. But it will definitely be faster than their giant-carrot car. / than the car they made out of bread.

Revheads are all for it. The more vegetables that make up the cars, the less they’ll have to eat.

A vegetable car – how wonderful! Although after a couple of weeks it rots.

It’s got a fantastic new car smell. Though it loses that pretty quickly if you don’t keep it in the fridge.

Of course the driver will most likely be meat-powered.

It may be a vegetable car, but it will still be driven by meat-heads.

But don’t worry revheads, it still puts out plenty of noise pollution.

It could result in a whole new class of motor-racing fan: the veg-head.

Think of the glorious future, when cars really will grow on trees. / when we’ll be able to harvest our own car every summer.

The car proves that biofuel vehicles can be just as fast and cool as other cars. But I’m sure Jeremy Clarkson will find something to hate about it. / But revheads will find some reason to hate it.

You can make the experience exactly like driving a regular sports car if you set fire to a pile of coal in the passenger seat.

And it saves greenhouse gas. Putting this car on the road is the equivalent of taking one car off the road.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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