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Good News Week

Lawn wallabies (GNW 8/6/09: What’s the Story?)

More news about Aussies making it big overseas. British gardeners are buying wallabies as pets to trim their lawns. And they are certainly good at that, though not so much at serving tea on it.

British folks are getting wallabies as an exotic alternative to sheep. Though god knows how they shear them.

Not only are they using wallabies for trimming the lawn, but wombats are great for digging holes, emus are perfect for pecking out weeds, and platypuses are ideal for tripping out the neighbours. / frill-necked lizards are ideal for frightening the little old lady next door.

They’re all the rage for gardeners trying to keep their gardens neat. Sure, mowers, hedge-trimmers and edgers work fine, but they just aren’t pouchy enough. / but a wallaby gives them somewhere to store their secateurs.

They’re all the rage for gardeners trying to keep their gardens neat. And as everyone knows, wallabies are very finicky with their orderliness. / nothing’s more fastidious than a relocated marsupial.

Not only is a wallaby more exotic than a sheep, they’re also more useful if Timmy’s fallen down a well. (skippy impersonation)

“What’s that Skip? The topiary needs trimming again?”

If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, don’t be alarmed now, it’s just a native Australian marsupial wondering where the hell it is.

The next series of “Gardening Australia” will also be filling the gap left by Peter Cundall with Skippy.

And wallabies use far less two-stroke.

Male wallabies cost $300 and females $1300, but it’s still cheaper than keeping the butler.

Brits say that wallabies are even better than groundskeepers, since they don’t answer back when you treat them like an inferior creature.

The animal is a cuter, friendlier and more exotic alternative than a sheep. Or, for that matter, a lawnmower. / groundsman.

What’s even better is there’s no legislation about hunting them.

They look so gorgeous, trimming the lawn with their little button noses and cute grey fur. But they’re so expensive, gardeners.

They look so cute, trimming the lawn with their little button noses and fuzzy grey fur. But if they want a wallaby, I guess they’re entitled to it. / And still they insist on buying wallabies.

Wallabies are not only excellent for trimming the lawns, they can smell a fox a mile away.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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