Deserted Island No-smoking (GNW 15/6/09: Strange But True)

A 56-year-old retired banker has found a novel way of giving up his 43 year 30 cigarette-per-day habit, by marooning himself for a month on an uninhabited Scottish island. Yeah, that should provide plenty of distraction from his withdrawal.

He hopes that one month on the island will lead to many extra years of life that he can spend with his family, boring them shitless with stories of how he survived on a deserted island.

He had the idea of living on a desert island while living in Australia. And yet, for some reason, felt the need to go all the way to Scotland.

He figures that hanging out with Scottish sheep ought to help him stop smoking. They’re down to a pack a day!

He figures that hanging out with Scottish sheep ought to help him stop smoking. They barely smoke at all. (But they do drink a lot. They spend all day at the baaaaar.)

It will also help him give up eating, talking, and having sex. With humans, anyway.

Ah, a cold, bleak, stormy island populated by sheep. Try getting THAT as a patch!

The Scottish island is perfect. Even if he somehow finds a cigarette, the blustery highland gales will blow it out. / will make it impossible to light.

He’s planning to take along a guitar, which he hopes to learn to play, provided he doesn’t smash it to smithereens when the cravings kick in.

In his month on the island, he’s going to try to learn the guitar, as he’s hoping the sheep will be less critical than his family.

He’s also taking his iPod, loaded with 120 books. Let’s hope he doesn’t forget spare batteries.

He’s loaded up his iPod with 120 books. He was just worried that, if he took them in physical form, he’d just roll the pages up and smoke them.

He’s loaded up his iPod with 120 books for his one month stay. He wants a bit of choice in case he’s not in the right mood for Lord of the Flies. / Robinson Crusoe.

He’s loaded up his iPod with 120 books. He would’ve put some music on, but just couldn’t decide his desert island discs.

He’s loaded up his iPod with 120 books for his one month stay. He’s going to spend the entire month trying to work out how to read them on that tiny little screen.

He’s loaded up his iPod with 120 books for his one month stay. Who says he’s got an addictive nature? / He’ll probably leave the island with an iPod addiction.

He’s loaded up his iPod with 120 books. Initially he was going to only take 10, but he kept needing to have “just one more”…

Nicotine patches, gum, self-help books and willpower have all failed, so he figures if he’s stranded on a desert island he can fully embrace the only quit technique he’s got left – complete insanity. / total mental breakdown.

On the desert island, there’s no way he can get a cigarette even if he wants one. Although, if circumstances get too desperate, the tobacco plantation may come in handy.

Watch out for the reality series “Survivor: Nicorette”!

Unfortunately, in an emergency situation, he’ll really miss being able to send smoke signals.

He’ll live in a tent on an island in the Outer Hebrides near Scotland, giving him a better chance of avoiding lung cancer, though more chance of dying of hypothermia without any chance of medical assistance.

Of course, it’s too bad if he gets lung cancer. Not much chemo available on deserted islands in the Outer Hebrides.

He should really pay more attention to the ads: “Every month spent isolated in a tent on a deserted island is doing you damage.”

Of course this is big news. Especially on the deserted island.

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