Tickle My Primate (GNW 15/6/09: What’s the Story?)

Scientists have found primate laughter patterns mirror the evolutionary tree, after studying the laughs of gorillas, chimpanzees, orang-utans and bonobos by tickling and playing little games with them. Although it appears someone had already stolen their nose.

Scientists also tried spanking the monkeys, but that was after-hours. / only on the weekend.

Intelligent design proponents failed to see the funny side.

Interestingly, they have still yet to find any sign of laughter by advocates of intelligent design. Even after hours of tickling.

Dr Davila Ross spent three months at a Borneo rehabilitation centre, where she tickled primates. But eventually she was rehabilitated.

And I always thought “tickling the chimp” was a euphemism.

Not only do other lower primates love to have a good laugh, but they actually have a television show dedicated to their primitive sense of humour. It’s called Australia’s Funniest Home Videos.

This is no surprise. I’ve always loved it when someone tickles my primate.

Apes of various species were found to laugh when tickled, or when told a good fart gag. / cock joke.

Orang-utans, chimpanzees, gorillas and bonobos all enjoy a good laugh, but they do agree that The Chaser’s Make-a-Wish sketch went too far.

Experiments with tickling lions have been less successful.

Among the chimps’ favourite crack-ups are tickling, silly faces, and watching spurious news-related quiz shows. / hosting spurious news-related game shows.

Apes are basically just humans who haven’t developed technology. I’m not surprised they’re laughing.

But of course apes enjoy a good laugh. Who do you think invented the “banana skin” gag?

I’ve actually been asked to host a new show to appeal to other primates: Good News Ape. It’s basically exactly the same as this show, except that after each joke I go AHOOHOOHAHAHA! The chimps love it. / after each joke I hurl some of my own excrement. They go ape for it.

TV programmers are planning even dumber comedies to take advantage of this untapped market. Up next: Two and a Half Apes.

Sure they like to laugh, but their stand-up routines are shit. Which is then thrown at the audience.

TV programmers are planning to take advantage of this untapped market. Expect ape-oriented comedy shows like “Bananas Funny, Ha Ha”, “Look, Fall Over” and “Before the Game”. / “The Footy Show”.

But if you really want to see a monkey laugh, just pull my finger.

Being a professional ape-tickler has its pros and cons. Sure, when they’re happy, you’re surrounded by laughing baby animals all day, but when they’re annoyed, they rip your arms off.

Though the scientists got a less positive response from the apes when they gave them “the typewriter”. / “blurt”. / “nipple cripple”. / “Chinese burn”. / “sconning”.

Great, now there’s a whole lot of apes out there who can’t wait to tickle-torture their siblings.

The research suggests that our sense of humour is very similar to chimpanzees’, quite different to orang-utans, with gorillas in the middle. Which explains why I’ve always hated orang-utan stand-up. / I believe it. I just don’t GET orang-utans.

Out of all the primates, the research suggests that our sense of humour is only similar to chimpanzees’. Which explains why I never get orang-utan jokes. / why orang-utan sitcoms always leave me cold.

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