Super-Honey (GNW 29/6/09: Strange But True)

Researchers have discovered that a health food store Australiasian honey could actually be a cure-all, killing every type of bacteria thrown at it, even those resistant to antibiotics. Which will obviously be fantastic – until the day someone contracts bee flu.

It’s obvious, really. When was the last time you saw a bee sneeze?

Unfortunately if you’re allergic to honey, you’re just going to die.

The Manuka or jelly bush honey is found only in Australia and New Zealand, which must be why countries like ours never have widespread outbreaks of pandemics.

Honey-based products could replace antiseptic and antibiotic creams, which from now on will only be useful as a breakfast spread.

We don’t need more doctors – we need more BEES.

Scientists are now attempting to fight swine flu with Vegemite, brain cancer with peanut butter, arthritis with Nutella, and any other ideas that make them giggle.

Not only does the honey help kill the bacteria, but if you have enough of it, it can give you a real buzz.

Not only does covering yourself with honey help kill bacteria, but it helps attract ants.

Unfortunately, the same benefits have not been found when you cover yourself in Nutella and whipped cream. That is still purely for the purposes of kinky sex.

The scientists say it’s the bees’ knees! Or perhaps just the honey.

Unfortunately you do break out in hives. / they still haven’t found anything to cure hives.

The local honey not only cures the wounds and kills all bacteria, it also ensures you’re welcome in the swarm.

They honey could provide a whole new basis for medical products, just as soon as they work out how to combine it with chemical additives to combat that delicious taste and aroma.

The honey, found only in Australia and New Zealand, appears to be a cure-all that kills all tested bacteria, including antibiotic-resistant “superbugs”. The only problem is convincing the 9-foot-tall megabees to let you have some.

Now we know why bees never take sickies.

It’s either cover your wounds in honey, or spread your toast with Dettol.

And it turns out Nutella can cure your haemorrhoids. At least, that’s what the scientists are telling people.

Not only can honey clear up your infections, but makes your wounds taste delicious!

And you can prevent prostate cancer with an enema of hot strawberry jam every morning. At least, that’s what the doctors are telling Gordon Ramsey.

Not only does honey fight bacteria, but it turns out the only thing that can conquer swine flu is icecream. / pure cholesterol.

Turns out all this time we’ve been cured by the spoonful of sugar.

And the honey’s also an excellent cure for bee stings. Now that’s an evolutionary quirk.

And the sting of the Manuka bee is also an excellent cure for bee stings.

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